On Death, Dying, and Living Well

There is nothing like contemplating death for giving us a new perspective on life. While I was home for the holidays, I thought about death quite a bit. I thought about it as I left Waco knowing my pastor would likely pass away before I returned to Waco and as I got the news that he had indeed passed away. I thought about it while taking my dad to the hospital when his blood pressure was dangerously high, and we thought he was having another heart attack. I thought about it while visiting my grandmother who continues to decline and inch closer and closer to the other side. I had sweet and special time with my family, maybe particularly sweet given the realization again of how blessed we are for each day together and how quickly death can sneak up on us. Even when we know it’s coming, it is an unwelcome intruder into our lives, robbing us of people near and dear. But death is also peace from suffering and eternal rest in Christ. It is to be present with God in all His glory and to be with Him forever.

The grief is real, though, just as the promises are. I realized while I was home how much I have already grieved my grandmother and how much I already feel the loss of her. I also realized how completely unprepared I am to lose my dad. Dad, I want you around so much. I need your wisdom, your love, and your strength in my life. I still have so much to learn from you. But I know that regardless of what happens in either situation, or with any of my family and friends, I know God is in control and He cares. So as I pondered death & dying, I decided to revisit His words and His truth, seeking solace and peace.

I love that God understands our grief, and even cries with us! He is there when the tears won’t stop. And He is a God of Comfort, who wraps us in His loving arms. I love the assurances He gives us to help us through the tough times. And I love that He is God over death, and God over life, that Jesus came that we might have life abundantly and that we might live fully in Him. The paradox of death is that it is both fully certain, in that it comes to all of us, and uncertain, in that we don’t know when or how it will come. To make our lives count, we must live fully in Him. We must run the race well and fight the good fight.

Here are some passages and verses that particularly spoke to me. If you are dealing with loss in your life, I hope these verses encourage you as much as they encouraged me.

Grief
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
-Psalm 34:17-18

2 The LORD builds up Jerusalem;
he gathers the exiles of Israel.
3 He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
4 He determines the number of the stars
and calls them each by name.
-Psalm 127:2-4

1 As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
under the protection of the Mighty One[d]
with shouts of joy and praise
among the festive throng.
5 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
-Psalm 42:1-5

32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” 33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. 35 Jesus wept. 36 Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” – John 11:32-36

Comfort
4 Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
-Isaiah 46:4

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. – 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Assurances
13 Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 14 For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 15 According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words. – 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16

14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. – John 14:1-3

Living
I have come that they might have life and have it more abundantly. – John 10:10

12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 3:12-14

6 For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. – 2 Timothy 4: 6-8


Do you have other verses that have spoken to you on death, dying, or living well? If so, please share in the comments section below. I would love to hear from you.

For Better & For Worse - Moving Beyond the Worst

Over the last week, I have looked at some of the worst aspects of marriage, the brokenness and the hurt that is left in the aftermath of broken promises and abused trust. And I have only dealt with two topics – pornography and money. I haven’t even gotten to adultery and abuse, abandonment and apathy. I can introduce you to many more of my friends and their stories.

Like my friend Ellie, whose husband just decided one day that he didn’t want to be married anymore, or my friend Carol, whose husband left to “find himself.” Meet my friend Erika who found herself in an abusive relationship, characterized by fear instead of love. And meet my friend Andy whose wife constantly complains about him, or Steve who constantly complains about his wife. Meet my friend Leigh who has let years of bitterness and resentment build up between her and her husband, or my friend Danny who struggles to remember what he loves about his wife.

The truth is there are many evils that can take root in marriage, much bitterness, deep wrongs, and broken promises. Oh the promises – they sound so good on the wedding day…

I do solemnly take you to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.


…but oh, to live those promises out is much harder I’m afraid. To have a marriage where both spouses choose to love and to cherish each other, regardless of the circumstances, regardless of money or distractions, to commit to be with each other, to share life together as one for the rest of their lives – that is much harder. That’s a God-level commitment that we can’t make on our own.

We are flawed, imperfect people, and even when it is the last thing we want to do or intend to do, we inevitably let each other down. We fail. Sometimes we slip, and sometimes we utterly fall. But, praise God, He is a God of grace and a God who restores and redeems! He is a God who gives us strength and makes the impossible, possible in Him.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:31-32

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, and will bring you back from captivity.” – Jeremiah 29:11-14

As I ponder these promises from God’s word, I have hope, hope in spite of broken human promises, hope in the faithfulness of God, in the strength of God, in the sovereignty of God. Marriage is a promise before God, but it is ultimately a covenant with God.

“Unless the Lord builds the house, he who labors, labors in vain.” – Psalm 127:1

God, I am utterly incapable of loving as you loved. But as I seek you, may your love of me transform my life and this relationship. Enable me, us, to love each other as you have loved us, to be faithful and true, to be patient and kind, to act with integrity and intentionality, with gratitude and kindness. Let no bitterness or resentment set in, root out all apathy and complacency. Fill us with who you are and allow us to feast on your goodness in our marriage, day by day, from this day forward.

The Puzzles & the Friend

I had this dream last night. I was on the floor and spread out before me were puzzles – 100 piece puzzles, many of them, the pieces all mixed together. If you have ever worked these kinds of puzzles, you know they are relatively easy to work; they just take time. Even with the pieces mixed together, it’s relatively easy to figure out which piece belongs to which puzzle and how the pieces fit together. A friend was there in the floor with me, helping me to put together the pieces. We were rushing to get them done. The task before us was urgent. The work had to get done, but we had it under control. We were making significant progress.

Then, I turned around and noticed unbeknownst to me, on this other side of the floor were more puzzles, this time 1000 piece puzzles. If you have ever worked these puzzles, you know they present a much greater challenge. It is no longer obvious what the bigger picture is or how the pieces fit together. Now, it is work to seek out the right pieces and to make progress. We didn’t get extra time. In fact, we didn’t know how much time we had. We just knew they had to get done. The task was the same –but the progress was much slower, the challenge was much greater. The challenge seemed impossible to me. I was overwhelmed. I’m going to need more time. The rules changed. No answer came. But my friend urged me on, urged us on, as we set to work all the puzzles, as we set out to confront the new challenge. It was slow, but piece by piece we started making progress. It was slow and frustrating, but as we continued to work, the bigger picture started to emerge. I realized my friend was right. We could do this, we were doing this. And so we kept pressing on, working faithfully at the tasks before us.

Have you ever had one of those game-changing moments? Have you ever felt you had it under control, doing the work, going about your business, with purpose and intentionality, and yes, even with confidence – knowing that you were fully ready for the task at hand, that you knew what had to be done and was working to accomplish it? Then, as you are working on it, as you are getting it done, suddenly the rules change, without your knowledge or consent. The challenge that seemed so manageable becomes harder, your confidence is shot, and it seems overwhelming. Have you ever felt that?

I have. That has been my reality for the last few months, as I have transitioned to a new position, full with new challenges and with different pieces that I don’t know how they fit together. It has been overwhelming at times. It has also been exciting at times, to catch glimpses of the bigger picture. The truth is I am good at working 100 piece puzzles. There are certain tasks that I have mastered and have under control. I know how to get things done. But now, I also have 1000 piece puzzles – ones that I haven’t mastered and struggle to make work, ones that I don’t know what they are supposed to look like or what the end result is going to be.

BUT my friend does. My friend has seen the box lids. My friend was there when the design was created. My friend is there guiding me, showing me how some pieces connect, correcting my missteps along the way – you know, the times you so much want a piece to fit only to try to force it or convince yourself it is the right fit. My friend knows when it is the wrong piece. He knows the right pieces. He holds them in His hands, waiting for me to take them from Him. He urges me on, encourages me to keep working, to be faithful with the task at hand.

The prayer of Jabez (1 Chronicles 4:10) is popular in Christian circles. It becomes in some sense a call for greater responsibility and greater blessings in our lives. In this prayer, “Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, ‘Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.’ And God granted his request” (NIV, 1984). Sometimes, though, when God enlarges our territory, it can feel like being moved from a working a 100 piece puzzle to a 1000 piece puzzle. Even the answer to our prayer, more responsibility, better opportunities, can seem overwhelming. But God’s hand is with us. In my dream, my friend was with me. I wasn’t left alone. I am not left alone. You are not left alone. God is with us. When He calls, He equips. He “equip[s] us with everything good for doing His will and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him through Jesus Christ...” (Hebrews 13:21)

Here are some promises that have encouraged me in the challenges that lie ahead:

• In times of preparation – “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” (Ephesians 6:13-14)
• In times of weakness & failure – “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
• In times of discouragement – “And the God of all grace who has called you into eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.” (1 Peter 5:10)
• In times of correction – “All Scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17)
• In times of doubt – “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
• In times of lonliness – “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20).

I’m working the puzzle. I don’t know how all the pieces fit together. But my friend is with me. I plan to be faithful, even when it seems daunting. I plan to trust Him and take the pieces from His hand. He knows what is best. And I’m excited to see the pictures start to emerge, to see the masterpieces He has created.