The Bittersweet Truth

Warning – For those of you with a sweet tooth, this post may cause unintended harm. It may interfere with your ability to derive pleasure from some of your favorite foods and may limit your desired consumption levels of sweets. Read at your own risk but for your own benefit!

A couple of months ago, I signed up for a wellness program at work called Naturally Slim. I started it because I wanted to eat better and get rid of some bad habits – like skipping meals in lieu of raiding the candy dish at work constantly. One of the first challenges the program laid out was to avoid sweets and limit sugar for three weeks. I thought I had signed up for the wrong program! I love my cookies and brownies and candy, my sweet tea and Dr Pepper. I’ve never even considered giving those up. Those are some of my favorite foods. However, since it was just a temporary request – three weeks – I decided to give it a try. Then I was sure I would go right back to my old habits.

Little did I know that this journey would become something else entirely and that I wouldn’t want to go back to my old habits.
Week one, every meeting I go to, there are sweets available, and they are calling my name. Cookies, brownies, sodas, you name it. I am so tempted. I am craving them, but I resist. I have to see this experiment through.

Week two, I survived the initial withdrawal and start to be okay without them. I sense that I have more energy and the cravings are not nearly as intense. I can do this… but again, why would anyone want to do this long-term?

Week three, I completely have this under control, so now I can cheat and have a cookie, right? LOL Well, I do cheat and have a cookie, but I am shocked that it doesn’t taste good to me. It wasn’t even worth cheating for. What?! So, of course, I have to experiment again, so I have a Dr Pepper, one of my favorite drinks – it wasn’t good either. What?! My tastes are really changing. I’m completely surprised at how quickly I lost a taste for some of my favorite sweets.

Week four, I go to the dentist and I get the best report ever. My hygienist is completely surprised at how good my teeth look – I’ve never had that happen before. Then I see a report on the news that sugar causes the mouth to release acid which in turn leads to tooth decay. Now I knew that sugar leads to tooth decay, but I didn’t know the acid immediately starts eating at your teeth as soon as you eat sugar. I always thought it was more of a long-term effect. Could my good dentist report be in part because I have reduced my sugar intake? Coincidence or not – I’ll take it.

Week five, I go to the store and fit into a size 6 dress – the first time that has happened in years! (See center picture above.) I feel much better, have more energy, and starting to wonder exactly how bad all this sugar has been for me. I had no idea of all the consequences. I start to get angry that no one told me sooner.

About 7-8 years ago, I was diagnosed as pre-diabetic. My doctor was befuddled because I didn’t exhibit any of the normal risk factors for diabetes. He asked me about my diet, but it didn’t seem like I ate a lot of sugar. I never eat more than one doughnut, for example, and I don’t eat multiple candy bars at once. I don’t do a lot of the things that seem like a high sugar intake. Did you know, though, that a can of soda has 10 tsp of sugar, 17 tsp in a 20 oz bottle? I am a runner, and chocolate milk is one of the best post-run drinks and one of my favorites. Did you know though that a pint of chocolate milk has 54g of sugar? These numbers astound me. Not because I didn’t know that foods have sugar – I just didn’t realize how much and how pervasive it is. Baby food even has 4 tsp of sugar. Really?

All these years later, it makes much more sense to me. I had no idea I was as addicted to sugar as I was, and I had no idea how much sugar I was consuming in my diet without knowing it. I didn’t know that my body couldn’t manage the amount of insulin my body was producing to keep up with my sugar intake.

All the low fat foods that are marketed as being healthy – not so, they just compensate sugar for fat – and sugar is just as bad if not worse. Plus, the average person on a low fat diet consumes 400-500 more calories than someone not on a low fat diet. We tend to eat more maybe because we give ourselves credit for the “low fat choices.” I am angry at myself for not thinking it mattered when I ate multiple sweets a day, when I thought I deserved it. I am angry that sugar is so interwoven in our foods and our culture that avoiding it is really hard – that our office candy bowl is almost always full, that hospitality is just necessarily linked with food, that we market holidays like Valentine’s Day, Halloween, and Easter with unlimited sweets, sugary confections that are not really a gift but a curse. The trick is on us, dear friends.

It doesn’t mean that we have to give sweets up entirely. That is what I was afraid of when I started this journey, and I wanted to opt out of that option very quickly. What it does mean is that I need to pay attention to my sugar intake. I need to save the sweets for the special occasions not the everyday, multiple times of the day staple. And when I do eat sugar, I need to balance it out with protein which helps the body process it. Even with natural sugars, like apples, are much healthier when eaten with protein like peanut butter. Who knew?

Well, now I know the bittersweet truth about sugar. I plan to keep my distance and only have an occasional fling with a good dessert. I am breaking off the intimate relationship. The three week challenge was over awhile ago, but I don’t want to go back to my old habits. I can live without my daily Dr Pepper and even my cookies, because in the end, I can now say they are not worth it and that, my friend, is the bittersweet truth.

For more information on the Naturally Slim program, check out their website here.

Overcoming the Pressure to Perform

Over the last couple of months, I’ve been working on a big project at work. It’s been one of my first big projects at my new job. Being a new girl, I want to impress people and to prove myself. I feel like people are watching me to see how I respond, and it is so easy to get caught up in trying to make a name for myself, not wanting to disappoint anyone and wanting to excel at my new job.
For the last couple of weeks, I have found myself feeling the pressure to perform, spending huge amounts of time on the project, working late, and starting to worrying about it. I’m usually good at leaving work at work when I go home each day, but this project started to dominate my thoughts and drain my energy,

A little over a week ago, I went to visit some of my campus partners that I am working with on this project, part of my dream team. I was flustered and chaotic, starting to freak out about everything on the to-do list and all the loose ends that had to get done. Yet, they were calm. They didn’t seem flustered. And they had much more on their plate than I had on mine. It prompted my thinking and helped me put this project back into perspective.

And then I read this book, Golf’s Sacred Journey by David Cook. I am not a golfer, and I had plans to give the book to a friend of mine. I picked it up just thinking I would give it a quick glance; I didn’t put it back down. This book was just what I needed, when I needed it. It went straight to the heart of what I had been struggling with – this pressure to perform, the fear of failure, the lack of balance and rhythm than was missing.  It reminded me to look at the bigger picture, the larger perspective of my life beyond this project and even this job. My life the last couple of weeks has been out of kilter because I had started focusing so much on this project, that I started neglecting the other good things in my life. I started valuing the opportunity to impress and make my mark instead of going about my business quietly and diligently (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12).

Yesterday, I finished reading the book, and I took some time to really ponder its message. Then I thought again about the project, a project that is outside the normal scope of my job description, a project that is outside my realm of expertise, a project that I care deeply about but not one that is directly related to my sense of calling and my particular gifts. It seems strange that I started wanting people to weigh me by this project, or that this project would somehow define me.

So I decided to relax, to take off the burden of the expectations, to do my best but to leave the anxiety behind. And I went to work, three days before the project launches, in the midst of chaos and loose ends and details to be worked out. But this time, that chaos didn’t characterize me. I had found my balance and rhythm again. I had gleaned new perspective, and I had found that peace and contentment that had been missing. I remembered that my identity is wrapped up in Christ alone. And strangely, this huge burden started to seem more like a small project, a blip on the radar screen that will all too quickly fade away.

I highly recommend the book. Even more so, I highly recommend finding that balance and rhythm in a life centered in Christ. There is no better place to be. He beckons - “Come unto me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV).

Those words are good news for my week and for my soul!

Stopping Short & Going Long

In my last blog, I talked about the tortoise and the need to consistently move forward. Sometimes, though, we run into detours, and such has been my training this time around. Instead of moving forward, I have been “stuck” at maintaining and struggling to get in my weekly runs, much less my 3x a week scheduled ones. My cross-training has been suffering, as I haven’t hit the gym much lately either. As happens from time to time, life gets in the way.

I recently accepted a new position at Baylor University and will be moving to Texas in a month. My training schedule has given way to packing and to-do lists, quality time with friends and family, closing one chapter of my life and preparing to begin another.

And so, in some ways, I accept defeat. I am stopping short of my goal, officially changing my registration from the half-marathon to the 5K, the same weekend. I am still, though, running with our team and still supporting Samaritan’s Purse. I just can’t finish the training and build the miles for the half while doing what I need to do to transition. As I struggled with the decision, I felt disappointed in myself and my lack of follow through. It bothers me not to finish what I started.

But while I am stopping short of this goal, the half, I am also thinking about going long, thinking long-term about how I can continue to support Samaritan’s Purse, how I can cultivate Christ-like compassion in my life, about how I can make a difference in the lives of those around me. I want to go the distance when it comes to caring and encouraging others to care about those in need around the world. I want to write, to share, to give generously to organizations like SP that are there long-term, meeting needs and changing lives in the name of Christ.

I hope to team up with Carolyn and all again in the future, and tackle a half successfully. In the meantime, I still choose to run with purpose and want to finish well.

If you missed the article Brett Welsh wrote in the Columbia College Postscript, check it out here:

http://www.c2postscript.com/sports-and-wellness/running-for-the-world-s-problems-not-away-from-them-1.1838011

It’s not too late to support our team. Go to our team website to donate:

http://www.firstgiving.com/columbiacollege-teamsp .

The Tortoise and the Hare

When I was growing up, the Tortoise and the Hare was one of my favorite fairy tales. One of Aesop’s Fables, the story is about a race between a slow tortoise and a speedy hare. The speedy hare boastfully asserts that no one can beat him and laughs at the painfully slow pace at which the tortoise moves. He decides to take a nap along the way, and then eats breakfast. Each time he checks on the tortoise and reassures himself he has nothing to worry about. After taking yet another nap though, he awakens to find the tortoise painfully close to the finish line. He tries to get there fast enough, but even his speed isn’t fast enough to make up the lost ground. The tortoise wins the race, not because of his speed, but because of his consistency and persistence.

This story is a poignant reminder to me as I think about my running and about our cause. After my last post several friends shared stories with me of their struggles in running. It was so reassuring to know that I am not alone. As I reflected on our stories, I realized that what sets us apart is not that we are successful every time out, or that we are the fastest, or that we keep every day on our training schedule. It’s that we keep trying over and over again. When we get off track, we get back on. It’s that consistency and persistence that keeps us going. Even if we don’t eek out a victory like the hare, at least we know we’re further along than we use to be. We stay the course and press on toward the prize.

This time of year is the time for new resolve. We often talk about resolutions, but this year I noticed more and more people choosing not to make resolutions. “Oh, I’ll fail anyway” or “What’s the use?” are expressions I have heard frequently. And there is something sad about that to me, when we decide not to try, scared to risk failure or to sacrifice for growth. I have been disappointed at myself for not doing all that I said I was going to do for this project, discouraged at the lack of fundraising and my lack of training. But yet, is it worth the effort? Absolutely. I care. Sometimes I disappoint myself that I don’t care more, or care better for the needs around the world. Sometimes I get so consumed with the conveniences and the “crises” of my life, that I close my eyes to the pain and need of others. But I want to care more. I resolve to care more.

I want to run the race, the physical race, but even more important the course that God has set before me. I want to be love more, to be useful to Him, to support Samaritan’s Purse in the work they are doing, and to make a difference. I resolve. And I’m okay if others get there before me or do bigger and better things, but I want to care and to be faithful over time. I want to keep running this race throughout my life. I want to stay the course and finish well.

As for my training, I went for a good run Saturday (and enjoyed it again) and hit the gym today. I’m getting back on track slowly but surely.

Please pray for our team, for our training, for our fundraising. Samaritan’s Purse touches lives around the world. We want to support them in the work they are doing long-term, consistently and persistently. Please support us financially if you are able. When I went to Nicaragua this past summer, I saw how far money can go in developing countries. A small gift can make a huge difference.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me.

In Christ,

Erin

http://www.firstgiving.com/columbiacollege-teamsp

Going Through the Motions - Confessions, Part 2

Enough of the philosophical talk… I think all of you know by now why I am doing this race and being a part of this journey. It is much easier, I have to admit, to talk about that part, than to talk about my actual training. However, it is an inescapable part of my journey to get to where I want to be.

My training has not been going well. I took a couple of unplanned weeks off over the break. Without my running partner and without accountability, it was a little too easy to put training on the back burner for the holidays. I did take a scenic run through the snow, for fun, but overall I lost more distance than I built up over those couple of weeks. And getting back on track has not been easy.

Over this last week, I have been reminded why I run, and I’ve shared that with you. I know the cause is worthy, but sometimes I get beat down by the actual implementation. Even with the new year, the built in time for new beginnings and new motivation, I have struggled to get started anew. The challenge seems great and the work – well it feels like work instead of something I look forward to.

Part of what I love about running is getting rid of my stress, feeling like I don’t have to compete with anyone except myself and my previous time or my personal goal. But lately, I have felt like the weak link, like I can’t compete with the others on my team. I feel stressed about running – not doing enough, not being good enough, not eating well enough… and the list goes on. All I can think about is everything that I am supposed to do compared to everything that I am doing and feeling like I am letting myself down.

 As I have tried to get my mental game back, I thought about how many times I approach God like that – like a checklist of work that I have to do, like someone who is there to remind me of how many times I screw up. I get caught in a similar game of going through the motions or comparing myself to others. I get caught up in the disciplines of the Christian life, instead of living abundantly in Him and resting in His love and grace. In Him, I don’t have to be good enough. And when I screw up, He forgives me. He restores me and helps me get back on the path to success. It is incredibly freeing to not have to be perfect, to be able to be the best me that I can be and to know that I am loved regardless.

For me, then, the challenge this week has been how to get that sense of freedom back in my running. I went to the gym yesterday and started to go through my list of how far I should run or all that I needed to do. I set the list aside, though, and instead, went to have fun. I went to workout for me, to remember what I love about running. I sweated my worries and my stress away. It felt great to forget about the have-tos for a little while and re-discover the want-tos. And that is my current goal. Don’t ask how many miles I will run this weekend. The truth is, I’m not sure. But I want to have fun doing it.

Instead of going through the motions of training and resenting it, I want to enjoy the journey, to be focused on our cause, and to spend quality time with my team. Instead of going through the motions in my spiritual life, I think God similarly wants the desires of my heart to be focused on Him, for me to enjoy Him, to love Him, and to spend time with Him.

One more thing I love about running… what God teaches me through it about life. J Thanks for reading and for sharing the journey. Thank you to those who have supported us financially. We greatly appreciate it.

http://www.firstgiving.com/columbiacollege-teamsp

Food...Daily bread & provision

Today I am thankful that I had plenty of food to eat, and that I didn’t even have to cook it. I had a special dinner with my parents and grandmother, chips and salsa this afternoon, and leftovers for supper. Sometimes, when I get stressed I don’t eat, but the reality is that I have never been without food or worried about whether I would have food to eat the next day. Even when I haven’t been to the store in weeks, there are still cans in my pantry and some food in the fridge.

I am reminded about those around the world that don’t have food to eat, children here in Columbia who don’t have food to eat on the weekends when they don’t have school, those in Nicaragua who typically live on rice and beans and now are living on just rice, those all across the world that don’t know when or how their next meal will be provided.

For $9.00, Samaritan’s Purse can feed a feed a baby or nursing mother for a week. $9.00 hardly covers one meal out for us, but for others, it can make a huge difference. It can sustain life.

“She went away and did as Elijah told her. So there was food every day for Elijah and for the woman and her family. For the jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry, in keeping with the word of the Lord spoken by Elijah” 1 Kings 17: 15-16.

http://www.firstgiving.com/columbiacollege-teamsp
http://www.samaritanspurse.org/

(reposted from Facebook - 11/14/10)

Health... Life unimpaired

Today, I am thankful for my health. I am able to train for this race, workout without pain or injury, and seek medical attention when I need it. Having access to affordable healthcare is a luxury even here in the US. Those with disabilities are even more disadvantaged.

When I was in Nicaragua this summer, our team met a family with an autistic child. Access to education itself was limited, but special needs education was virtually non-existent, particularly for those who lived in the barrios where we served. A member of our team happened to work with autistic children. She spent less than an hour with this family and helped them learn to communicate better and understand their daughter’s needs. It was such a small amount of time, but it made a huge difference to this family. They were so appreciative.

A small investment brings big returns. As you thank God for your health and wellbeing this Thanskgiving, please remember those who are less fortunate. For every $250 we raise, Samaritan’s Purse can help a disabled child function, by giving them access to treatment or prosthetics or aids that help them live as normal of a childhood as possible.

Please help us raise support to meet the needs of these children and hurting communities around the world. Giving online is easy - http://www.firstgiving.com/columbiacollege-teamsp. The money raised goes directly to Samaritan’s Purse.

We care. It’s the reason we run.

(reposted from Facebook - 11/15/10)

Family... Immeasurable love & support

Today is my grandmother’s birthday, her 86th birthday. I am so thankful for her and for all of my family. As I was running tonight with Carolyn, we were telling stories of Thanksgiving, fond memories and everyday silliness in our families. It was a warm fuzzy conversation and made me smile. It reminded me about how special my family is and how important they all are to me.

On the Biggest Loser tonight, one of the contestants had no support from her family. As other contestants received videos from home, no one from her family sent a video. She didn’t have the support and encouragement that the others did. I can’t imagine. I am so thankful for family and for all the support and encouragement they give me. I was reminded tonight that not everyone has that.

For some it is a lack of support and encouragement, for others it is abuse or neglect. For still others it is even worse, children being sold into sex slavery by their families. Unimaginable and inexplicable evil. Samaritan’s Purse ministers to these children, rehabilitating young victims and working to protect other children from the dangers and tragedy of human trafficking.

Please take time to express your gratitude to your family today. Will you also consider honoring them with a gift to Samaritan’s Purse? Giving online is easy - http://www.firstgiving.com/columbiacollege-teamsp and you can even add your comments “In honor of.”

Thanks for your support and encouragement. Don’t forget to check out my blog for updates on training and the race - http://runningfast131.blogspot.com/. I would love to know your thoughts as I share this journey with you.

(reposted from Facebook 11/16/10)

Water... The drink of life

Water…. The drink of life. I am so thankful for clean drinking water, particularly during a long run. I was running this morning and found a water fountain, only to find out that it didn’t work. I was tired and weary and so looking forward to refreshing water. As I found some, at the other end of the path, it was so wonderful and sweet that I think I could have drank the whole fountain. I couldn’t seem to get enough.

I was so thankful this morning for good water that could quench my thirst, thankful that I didn’t have to worry about getting sick from the water, or it carrying disease. I didn’t have to boil it before drinking it, or go to a distant well to retrieve it.

Even though I don’t like my tap water at home, I am able to drink it. Samaritan’s Purse’s Turn on the Tap Project helps people and communities around the world make their water safer to drink, removing contaminants from unclean water sources and poor sanitation. SP provides household filters, community filters and freshwater wells to provide clean sources of drinking water around the world. My tap water becomes much better with a simple filter - it tastes better and is healthier to drink. Their projects filter out disease and bring hope. They become a wellspring of life.

Hmmm… I am reminded of Jesus and the woman at the well. She came looking for clean drinking water. Jesus met her physical need for water and revealed Himself as the source of living water. “Whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:14 NIV).

Wow! I am so thankful for clean water that replenishes after a long run. I am thankful for abundant water that is not scarce or contaminated. How much more thankful am I, though, for that living water, the source of abundant life and true replenishment!

Please continue to support us as we run and as we raise awareness for SP. My heart’s desire is not that we would raise some huge amount of money, but that God would be glorified in our running and that we would stir other hearts to give and to care about those around the world. I need to care more and this journey is as much about growing my heart as it is my ability to run long distances.

Thanks for reading. Please let me know your thoughts and feedback. And here’s the link to support our efforts for SP financially - http://www.firstgiving.com/columbiacollege-teamsp.
Have a great week!

In Christ,
Erin

Confessions of the Good-Intentioned

I’ve been a little discouraged lately, with my training and with myself. I set out a couple of months ago on this journey and was so excited about taking on the challenge. Now it seems harder and harder to get motivated for long runs or to focus on writing. I was embarrassed when I looked at the date of my last post. I guess you could say I have gone the way of the good-intentioned, setting out to do something cool, but getting discouraged and on the verge of giving up.

But then a friend sent me back to one of my previous posts about why I am doing this, and I needed to read it. I needed to be reminded of why I care, why I chose to undertake this journey, and why I believe in the value of Samaritan’s Purse.

I didn’t start this journey because I love running or wanted to run a half-marathon.

I started this journey because one of my students had a dream about wanting to do something special for God, wanting to use her passion for running to make a difference. I think God is incredibly honored in the desires of her heart, and I so want to invest in her and feel blessed to support her in that journey.

I started this journey because this time last year God was working in my life to prepare me for Nicaragua. That trip for me was the beginning of a new level of compassion, of a desire to care more and to cultivate a heart of compassion for those around the world. It was a short trip with great needs. I started this journey because I believe organizations like Samaritan’s Purse are part of the answer, the long-term solutions and the ongoing work of sharing God’s love and meeting physical needs.

One of the great lessons I learned from the trip this summer is how easy it is for me to be at the center of my world and how much I want it to be less about me and more about Him. And the same is true with this project. I wanted to do something great. I wanted to do stuff… instead of letting God do stuff. These last few weeks as I have been burned out and slacking off, I have begun to see His hand at work again, less of me and more of Him.

I have seen Him in Carolyn as she conquered 11 miles, in Brett sharing his story and putting his natural ability to good use, in Amy as she ran 8 miles in the sand, and in Lizbet’s willingness to hold me accountable in Carolyn’s absence. The amazing story is how God brought this team together – Carolyn’s dream, Brett’s desire to build a hospital, and my desire to write and encourage; we are all using our different gifts and abilities to work toward a common goal.

I still have doubts about 13.1 miles. I am way behind schedule, and I honestly don’t know if I can do it. But I don’t have doubts about this project. I am grateful to be a part of it and I am not giving up on it. I care, and I want to inspire you to care about Samaritan’s Purse, to care about those who are less fortunate, to care about investing your time, talents, and treasure (whatever those are) to help others.

Here’s the link to our fundraising site - http://www.firstgiving.com/columbiacollege-teamsp. We haven’t raised much money; we haven’t even really gotten started with it, but I hope you will help us get started, that you will invest in this journey and our cause with us.

Conquering the Hills - Benchmark Race #2

Saturday was race day - the Governor's Cup 8K. I ran this race last year, so I knew I was in for a challenge. The 5 mile route is hilly, with some nice downhill sections but also some uphill treks. Last year, I didn't know what to expect. I hadn't previewed the course, so I didn't know about mile 4. Mile 4 is the runner's arch nemesis, a steep prolonged incline at the end of the course. Already tired from the previous miles, mile 4 is a test of wills to see how badly you want to make it to the finish line. Last year, I didn't want it bad enough. I was exhausted and gave in, walking my way through the final mile and feeling utterly defeated. This year, I wanted redemption badly, and I wanted to conquer the defeat of last year and wanted to finish strong.

As I prepared for Saturday, that hill was in the forefront of my mind, the daunting challenge awaiting me at the end of the race. I knew it was coming; I was ready for it this time... or so I thought. I started strong, but made sure to conserve energy. I coasted through mile 3 and summoned my resolve for hill 4. As I started up the incline, though, my calves started burning, my legs started aching. Others around me were walking. Fatigue was setting in. Doubt was setting in. And before I knew it, I was thinking about giving up, again.

But I didn't. This time, my resolve was firm. I wanted it badly. I focused on the finish line, even though I couldn't see it. I thought about how often I give up and give in to doubt or choose to settle for less than God's best. I want more out of life that that, even when it requires sacrifice, even when it hurts, even when I can't see the end in sight. I want to trust that God has good things in store, that He is glorified in my efforts when I give my all and trust Him to sustain me, to strengthen me, to see me through to the other side.

I finished strong yesterday, and I learned something about myself in the process. I also experienced again God as Sustainer and Provider, the one who gives strength to the weary who press on toward the prize.

Please pray for me as I continue on this journey to the half. from here on out, I will be pushing my limits and my distance. I have never run further than 5 miles. I am venturing into unfamiliar territory and daunting distances. But I so want to glorify God in my running and in my training. Pray that I will be disciplined and available and for warmth during cold runs. :)

Have a great week!

ELP

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

Sometimes I stare into the mirror and seek validation. I want to see me at my best, all my effort and all my strengths. I try to block out all the blemishes (and freckles), all the mismatched clothes, all the parts of me that I don’t like. The mirror doesn’t lie, good or bad; it doesn’t take sides or flatter. It just reflects what is really there.

I wish what I saw looking back at me was less of me and more of Christ. I wish that was the reality in my life, more of His joy, more of His peace, more of His love. I wish when people looked at me that they would see more of Him. I wish I didn’t get so caught up in my life, my wants, and my frustrations. I want a heart that mirrors His, a life that reflects Him and His glory.

This training has been part of God’s chiseling process in my life. The desire to run this race began with the passion to do something more, first as Carolyn’s passion then as mine. We both have the desire to raise money for Samaritan’s Purse, and even more so to offer our running as an offering to God, a way that we can glorify Him with the desires of our heart.

There have been many times in my life when the desires of my heart have not honored God – times when I have been completely selfish and sinful and closed off to the people around me. There have been times I have intentionally closed my eyes to the needs of others and sat on the sidelines versus getting involved in what God was doing or might want to do in or around me.

When I went to Nicaragua this summer, I was so completely uncomfortable not letting it be about me, and so completely inadequate to respond to the overwhelming need around me. God did some amazing things there but I still felt on the sidelines, not sure how to respond or what to do. I think about that even now, the needs that exist everywhere, and so often I close my eyes and my heart. I want to open my eyes and my heart – I want to see and to care. I want to be different.

And so I run. And I run with purpose, to glorify God and to help those in need. I choose to support Samaritan’s Purse because they not only see those needs but they work all over the world to meet those needs in Jesus’ name, with disaster relief, fighting sex slavery, providing drinking water, reaching out to the poor and the needy, sharing God’s love and His truth.

The running is slow going, particularly in the cold. I ran five miles yesterday to get ready for the Governors’ Cup 8K next Saturday. Then I proceeded to get sick for the rest of the day. Ugh. Please pray for me and for Carolyn and for the others running with us. Pray that God would be honored in our running and our training. Pray that as He prepares us physically for this race in February that He would prepare us spiritually for all that He has in store for us. And pray that as we raise awareness and support of Samaritan’s Purse that we would all open our eyes and our hearts to those in need around us, that we would be mirrors reflecting the love and the truth of Christ.

Finishing Well

I started a new book this weekend and the first chapter was on finishing well. I found that quite ironic… why start with a message about finishing well? As I thought more about it, though, I realized that maybe it made more sense than I originally thought.

If we want to finish well, we have to start with the end in mind. We have to start with a goal, a purpose, a passion that drives us to complete the task, whatever obstacles we may face. We have to have something that helps us keep going when things get tough or when it doesn’t look like we are going to be successful.

Sometimes I want to do big things, great things for God. Sometimes I dream the dream, I talk the talk, only to find that I don’t know how to get started, how to keep going, how to finish and how to accomplish much of anything. All the mundane stuff of everyday life gets in the way, other priorities come up. Before I know it, I shove my God-sized dreams into a bottom drawer and out of the way. They were never meant to be anyway, I reason to myself. I’ll never know, though, because I never trusted God enough to step out, sort through the details, and direct my path.

I feel like that about my running right now. I have had a hard time getting started, getting focused on this half-marathon training. All the excitement and the God-sized dreams seem distant. The details are hard to work out. It’s challenging to get together with the group to run, the early nights and the cooler weather discourage me. The fun of the journey has given away to the very real challenge, and it seems overwhelming.

But then I remember about starting out on this journey. It started with the passion of a student and a God-given desire to run. She wanted to run this race and to raise money for Samaritan’s Purse. Her passion was contagious, and it was easy to get excited because she was excited. And then God starting working in it and other people got excited and before long, we were dreaming big dreams, not for ourselves, but maybe possibly what God could do through us. I remember thinking it sounded crazy, daunting, completely overwhelming, and I think that is what excited me about it. I knew it was something that was completely over my head and what I was capable of my own. I was drawn to the God-size challenge before me.

Somewhere along the way though, I lost that wonder of wanting to see what God could do. Like Peter, I took my eyes off Jesus and starting looking at the waves. And I started sinking, and all the dreams started sinking too.

I don’t think that book chapter was a coincidence today. When all is said and done, I want to finish well. I don’t know if I will be able to run this race, or if our group will be able to raise some tremendous sum of money. But I want to trust God to write the story, to work out the details. Regardless of how it turns out, I think God has something to teach me about trusting Him for the God-sized dreams and challenges in my life. I choose not to give up on Him and not to give up on those. It may or may not turn out the way I like, but I want to be faithful to run the race, to run a good race, and to do my part so He can be faithful to do His.

Philippians 3:14 – “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Benchmark 1 - Mission Accomplished!

Last Saturday, I ran the Ray Tanner 5K, the first of three benchmark races I have set for myself to help me prepare for the 13.1 miles in February. I was running in honor of my grandmother, who told me that she was running with me in spirit. I missed my personal record by 2 seconds. I was disappointed to fall short of my PR but relieved to run a good race. They gave all the runners medals at the end of the race, and it was very cool to be able to give mine to my grandmother. I wrote 2 Timothy 4:7 on the back, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." Very fitting and appropriate words for my grandmother, who has lived an incredible life committed to Christ, full of joy and love, investing in the lives of others and being a faithful prayer warrior standing in the gap for those in need.

Those are words that I very much want to be true in my life. Sometimes I can look back and see how God has led me along the course, and others I see detours I took along the way, or unexpected hilly terrain that throws me off track. I've been there lately, feeling exhausted and not really sure where the road ahead leads. I've been wondering how much further until a break or a water stop, or trying to catch a glimpse of the final destination. I wonder if I am on the right path, or if I should be somewhere else. I want to be on the right course. I so want to be faithful, living abundantly and faithfully for Him, taking each step in line with His will. I want to sense His pleasure and His blessing in my life. I want, I need to rest in His security and His peace that even when I can't see the course ahead, He is guiding me and preparing me for whatever lies ahead.

The verse that reverberate in my mind today is Isaiah 40:31 - "But those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They will mount up on wings as eagles. They shall run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint."

It is in His strength that I continue running, both the race of daily life, sorting out His plans for my future, and in training for the half. I finished the first race, the 5K. Another challenge lies ahead, the Governor's Cup 8K, that is a much more hilly course. Last year, it got the best of me. I am hoping to do better this year and to be more prepared for the challenge. It is the next stop along the way to 13.1. Hopefully, I'll see you at the finish line. Thanks for sharing this journey with me!

Giving Back & Running Forward

It has been two months since my trip to Nicaragua. I was amazed and startled at how easily I just went back to my life. My routines didn’t change much, my perspective didn’t change much, honestly my life didn’t change much. Of course, it is not all about me, so then I started thinking about what changed there. We had so little to give, but we gave what we had – our time, our talents, toiletry packets, love, attention. We ministered to them, met some of their short-term needs, and planted lots of seeds with conversations about Christ and the church. We made a difference, even though sometimes it seems so small in comparison to the need.

Since I have been back, though, I have wanted to do more. I develop programs – that’s what I do. I problem-solve to address needs, to educate, to produce change & growth. I connect people with resources and people who can help. And while I don’t have the time to go on longer trips myself right now, or to do longer-term work there, I know that effective programs take time, take passion, take resources. I want to invest in the people who work in communities like the barrio we visited, people who are serving and ministering long-term in the area, cultivating relationships for Christ and making a substantial difference in individual lives and the communities they serve.

John Smoak, from Shandon Baptist, is one such man. His organization Unto Me International is working with local churches there to sponsor children in the area – buying uniforms for school, food for their families, and giving them the opportunity for a better life. If you have not done so already, please visit his website – http://untomeinternational.com or link to his Facebook page from this group’s main page. Many of the children in the pictures are children that I met during my trip. His program is making a huge difference in the area.

Samaritan’s Purse is another organization that works in impoverished communities and makes a huge difference changing lives for Christ. Many of us know about Operation Christmas Child and the shoeboxes they collect at Christmas time for children around the world. They also have a visible long-term presence in developing communities and do substantial work meeting the physical and spiritual needs of others.

A group of faculty, staff, and students at Columbia College are training for a half-marathon in February to raise money for Samaritan’s Purse. It is a huge undertaking and a little bit overwhelming. 13.1 miles is an intimidating distance. But, we want to be involved and to invest in organization that is doing work that makes a difference.

Our training is just getting started. I am hoping to send out regular updates to this group, as I did with the Nicaragua trip, so I can share this journey with you as well. The two experiences are inextricably related in my eyes, as God continues to give me His eyes and His compassion for those less fortunate than us. I have also started a blog – http://runningfast131.blogspot.com where you find previous posts and get additional information about our training and group.

Thank you for sharing life with me and allowing me to share my journey with you. Please do share your thoughts and reflections with me. I would love for us to have conversations along the way.

Have a great week!

In Christ,

Erin

Team Samaritan's Purse

This 131 day journey actually began a couple of weeks ago. Carolyn, one of my students, emailed me and asked if I would run a marathon with her. At first, I thought she was crazy. But, as I listened to her talk, her passion was compelling. She told me that she wanted to run for Samaritan's Purse, and she wanted to raise money. She had looked at the webpage, and it suggested a goal of $1000 per person. She prayed about it and told me about how she wanted to use the desires of her heart for God. She has been a runner for several years and wanted to give that interest of hers back to Christ to use for His glory and to make a difference.

As I contemplated the decision to run with her, I couldn't escape the challenging call of her words or my desire to partner with her and be a part of this God-given passion in her life. It was not long before I had agreed to run a half-marathon, 13.1 miles. And we both talked about it and prayed about it, the passion became contagious. Others in my office signed on to run with us; other staff and faculty, more students. Over 20 people came forward saying they wanted to be a part of this race and this cause. Carolyn told me at one point that $1000 seemed like such a small goal. Now, instead of two of us running and raising $2000, we have a whole team of runners, for the half-marathon and the 5K, and instead of $2000 as our goal, we are raising $35000 to build a mission hospital.

The way the pieces have come together has been amazing! The excitement on campus, the different levels of expertise, people volunteering to help with coolers, or with T-shirts, setting up volunteer opportunities and events to support us along the way.

This is an incredible journey, about 20 weeks of training, and about 8 more miles than I am used to running. It will require a vast amount of time and energy, and at times, I am sure that it will feel overwhelming. As many of you know, though, I went to Nicaragua this summer and witnessed some of the world's deepest poverty and physical need. I came home and went relatively back to my former routine, not untouched, but perhaps unmoved to do anything more. What do I do to reach out with compassion? How do I show Christ's love to those who are hurting and in need? Part of running this race is putting that need at the forefront again and supporting Samaritan's Purse, an organization that helps communities and barrios around the world. This is part of what I have to give, my time, my effort, my desire to run - I want to be like Carolyn and lay it all on the altar for His use.

What do you have to give? What will you do to partner with us and make a difference? There is a link to our fundraising website on the right of this blog page. There is a video to learn more about Samaritan's Purse. Pray about giving, running, cheering us on, pray about being involved as Christ leads. Thanks for sharing this journey with us!

131 Days to 13.1

September 25th, I start a new journey, one that will take me 131 days to complete. I begin intensive training for my first half-marathon, 13.1 miles. I will be running the Myrtle Beach Half-Marathon on February 19, 2011. It is an intimidating goal. My longest race so far has been a measly 5 miles. 13.1 seems overwhelming and intimidating, daunting.

Why run? As I sacrifice my opportunity to sleep late on Saturdays and commit to workouts three times a week, I sometimes wonder myself.  I enjoy it. It is a stress reliever. It is good conversation time with other runners. But what drives me to sacrifice my time and my energy? What greater need does it fulfill in my life?

For me, the answer comes from the discipline of training. What I learn about myself from running is the importance of submitting to a knowledgeable coach, the necessity of constant practice, the commitment to overcome hardship & injury, and the challenge to succeed each time with my personal best. There is not much that can compare with the thrill of crossing the finish line and seeing my efforts pay off in doing something I wasn't sure that I could do.

I ran my first 5K last year. And as I look back on that experience now, I see how much I was able to accomplish in such little time. I went from not running at all to running 4.5 miles consistently in 12 weeks. I remember thinking what if I could apply this training, this purpose, this discipline to other areas of my life.

For me, that's what drives me to run, being able to see the metaphor of running play out in my everyday life. Everything that I learn from the training helps me develop that mindset of discipline, commitment, and excellence. I think of 1 Timothy 4:7-8 in the Bible which says, "Train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness had value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come" (NIV).

Through this blog, I hope to share my journey with you, the physical training and the spiritual discipline. I'll share reflections along the way and invite you to join in the conversation. Hopefully it will inspire you to run your race well, whatever race that may be.

I look forward to seeing you at the finish line. Let the training begin!