From Dating Fast to Marriage Feast

Several years ago, I embarked on a dating fast, an intentional time away from dating to seek God’s will for my life in dating relationships, specifically seeking His healing and His direction. What does it mean to be a woman of integrity in dating? What I realized is that dating for me had become a distraction from God, from the ministry and the life I felt God was calling me to live. It was a 50 day journey and without a doubt one of the most meaningful times in my life spiritually, as I dove into scripture and sought God with a new level of earnestness.

Several weeks ago, I revisited the Dating Fast, looking back on that time in my life and remembering some of what God had taught me through that experience. After pondering the lessons learned and then thinking about where I currently am, I realized that in many ways I had internalized those truths for my life. I have for the most part been much more intentional about my dating choices and had made much wiser decisions when it came to being a woman of integrity.

I also realized, though, that I had internalized the message that dating is a distraction from God’s purpose for my life. In my resolve to keep my eyes on God, I took that to mean that there is something less spiritual about dating and that dating need not be a priority in my life. And in some respects, I took that a step further to marriage. While I want to get married in theory, sometimes I assume a super-spiritual posture of being single-minded instead of the super-vulnerable posture of being single. Sometimes I have viewed marriage more as a distraction from ministry, from God’s purpose & calling into my life, instead of a wonderful blessing from God and a primary calling in and of itself. I am a self-confessed commitment-phobe, and I confess that sometimes instead of viewing marriage as a wonderful blessing, I think more of the dangers, the horror stories, a view of marriage distorted by pain, brokenness, and all too often divorce.

However, over the last year, God has challenged that view in my life. I have been so fortunate to witness so many incredible love stories written by a God who calls us into relationship with Him and with each other. I have seen firsthand the love that weathers the storm, the love that redeems the past, the love that matures in marriage to a blessing & an intimacy that is one of God’s richest blessings. And while still imperfect and flawed, I have also seen the strength of a three-strand cord (Ecclesiastes 4:11-12) and the power, value, and blessing of a marriage centered in Christ. I also have been reminded that marriage is the metaphor that Christ uses for His relationship with the church and the depiction of the marriage feast that awaits us in Christ. The marriage feast - a celebration of unity and community, a fulfillment of anticipation & desire, the beginning of a new life together eternally with Him. I confess that has not been the way I have pictured marriage. I want to ponder that, to let that truth meditate in my heart, to let God reveal Himself to me as the God of the marriage feast, the God that yearns for us to be reconciled with Him, the God who yearns to pour out His blessings, that prepares the table of grace for us, and that makes it possible for us to be united with Him. I want to ponder what that means for marriage here and now, what it means for my life and my ministry, my heart & my desires.

So, I want to set out on this journey, to once again seek God’s will in my life, for my dating relationships and for marriage - eleven weeks, today, my birthday, until the end of the year. I will likely revisit some of the themes of the past, some of the lessons learned. But I also want to dive into new scriptures. I want to look intentionally at God’s will and His plan for marriage. I want to challenge myself to not view dating as necessarily a distraction. It certainly can be a distraction. But I want to look at how it can be not a distraction but rather how it can be a tool that God uses to show us the way, to lead us into deeper relationship with Him and a deeper understanding of His love for us.

Here are some starting scriptures I plan to peruse:

The marriage feast

• Christ & the church - Revelation 19-22
• Joy & desire - Isaiah 62:5 & 54:5

Purpose of marriage

• Leave father & mother - Genesis 2:24
• Becoming One - Mark 10:1-11
• Two are better than one - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Blessing the search

• Isaac & Rebekah - Genesis 24
• Provider & redeemer - Ruth

Characteristics of a godly wife

• Noble Character - Proverbs 31
• Gentle Spirit - 1 Peter 3
• Respect & submission - Ephesians 5, Genesis 3:16

Characteristics of a bad wife

• Complaining - Proverbs 21:9
• Looking back - Genesis 19:16-29
• Leading away from God - Job 2:9-10

Characteristics of a godly husband

• Faithfulness - Hosea
• Passionate Love - Song of Songs
• Tender Love - Ephesians 5
• Spiritual Leadership - 1 Timothy 3:12

Waiting for the bridegroom

• Preparation - Matthew 25:1-13

I welcome your prayers on this journey, and your participation, if you are so inclined. I hope to share the journey with you, so feel free to follow along on my blog or to have conversations with me over coffee, Skype, or phone. I would love your feedback, insight, and encouragement.

Thank you for sharing life with me!

In Christ,
~Erin

Seeking a Heart Like His

After finishing up the RuthSaga, it’s time to turn the page to the part of the legacy she left behind – the story of her grandson, David, who would become king of Israel and most importantly, a man after God’s own heart.

As I get ready to dive into David’s life, I want to keep asking that question – what made him a man after God’s own heart? He certainly wasn’t perfect – there are some pretty big moral failures in his life. He certainly had family issues and personal conflicts. But yet, there was something about his heart that stood the test of time, that saw him through the waiting to become king, the sin with Bathsheba, the trouble with his family. There was something about him, maybe about the way he tended his sheep, or the way he faced the “giants” in his life, something about the way he sought to honor God and humbled himself before Him. There was something different about this man.

Whatever that something different was, I want it. I want a heart like his. I want to be a woman after God’s heart, to live my life in a way that glorifies Him, that has the tenderness of a shepherd and the boldness of a warrior.

I think of the Brandon Heath song, “Give Me Your Eyes.” I’ve quoted it many times before as the prayer of my heart. Lord, give me your eyes for others. Give me a heart like yours. I want my desires to mirror yours. I want my life to be pleasing in your eyes. Teach me & show me.

What do you think it means to be a person after God’s heart? What does that look like for you? Share your thoughts and comments. And stay tuned for more as we delve into this study of David.

Confessions of a Non-Flosser

This post is a reprint from a series of reflections leading up to my 2010 trip to Nicaragua. I have found myself revisiting it as I continue to ask God to give me the desire to do the things that I need to do. After studying Romans 7, I realize that even when my heart is in the right place, the struggles continue. I need God's grace in moments of weakness and His power to change my heart and my mind.

Ok. I admit it. I don’t floss. I went to the dentist several weeks ago and was once again reminded that I NEED to floss. I WANT to take care of my teeth. I take care to use the right toothbrush, brush for 2-3 minutes, use the right mouthwash and in most other respects take very good care of my teeth and gums. But I just don’t like flossing. It doesn’t seem natural to me. It takes a long time, particularly trying to reach in between those back teeth; it’s uncomfortable wrapping the floss around my fingers; and then of course there is the saliva, which just makes it icky to mess around in my mouth too long. Oh, I know there are solutions that can help. Honestly, though, I want to take care of my teeth, but I just really don’t want to floss. I am sure that if I made up my mind to do it, I would find a way to make it less uncomfortable and maybe even a little more joyful, but flossing is not something I have a burning desire to add to my morning or evening routine.

Sometimes there are other things that are like flossing to me. There are things that I know I need to do. God’s directives are sometimes very clear to me, and yet, I don’t want to do them. I don’t even want to want to do them. Some of His commands just don’t seem natural to me. They make me feel uncomfortable or icky – like loving my enemies or presenting the Gospel to a close friend.
I respond to God the way I respond to the hygienist. She asks about my flossing, and I pretend to listen; I assure her that I understand the importance; I even floss a little while I am there to show her that I know how to do it. But then I take the free sample of floss and go home with no intention of changing my habits. I ignore her advice and choose to stay with my comfortable routine. I ignore the opportunities to share my faith with those around me. I give my money, but do I really need to care about those who are hurting or poor or different from me? I rationalize and I ignore, satisfying myself with my own meager efforts that never require me to be uncomfortable or to give sacrificially.

I know, though, that I am called to care, to respond, to give, and that as Christians, we all are. We are called to move beyond the ickiness, to love our neighbor, even when he is annoying, and to share our faith, even when it is awkward. We are called to care about the people in our neighborhood and the people on the other side of the world.

When I go in for my regular checkups, I hear Him reminding me of those truths. He chides me - sometimes gently and sometimes firmly commanding my obedience. He shows me the plaque building up and the consequences of sin. He shows me those hurting and those in desperate need of His love and His truth. So I confess my sin, and repent, choosing to follow and this time, sincerely desiring to change. I choose to move beyond the ickiness and to follow His lead. Even though it may not come naturally at first, with practice hopefully it will become a familiar part of my routine, one that will help fill cavities of a far more serious kind.

Three Cups of Tea & More

Over the holidays, I finished reading “Three Cups of Tea,” the story of Greg Mortenson, a mountain climber who found himself building schools in remote areas of Pakistan and later Afghanistan. His story is a compelling one – During a failed attempt to climb K2, he finds himself lost and taken in by a remote village. He is moved by their hospitality and promises to return and help them build a school. At the time, he has no idea how hard it will be to get the funds, the obstacles that he will run into, and the sacrifices that he will have to make. But he nonetheless perseveres, keeps his promise to the village, and along the way discovers a new life calling. Since then, his reputation in the region and across the world has grown. He has built numerous schools and has been a vocal advocate for education, particularly women’s education, as a way to change communities and instill hope. (I highly recommend his book, by the way.)

As I read his book, I was struck by how easy it would have been for him to have given up on that promise. It would have been easy for him to return to his work in the US and forgotten about the people that he encountered, forgotten about the need that he saw. At one point, he wrote over 500 letters asking for support and got only one $100 check in return. Later as he was preparing to give a speech to foster support, he set out over 250 chairs, and had no one show up except two store employees who were not interested in his school project at all. It would have been easy for him to walk away.  But he didn’t. He gave his presentation anyway. As he was cleaning up afterwards and feeling like a failure, he found a $25000 check that an anonymous person had left. Unbeknownst to him, someone else had been listening.

That story sticks out to me. And in spite of all his future successes and all the schools that he has since built, I think that story resonates with me the most – his decision to continue with his efforts when it seemed like no one was paying attention, like no one cared. Too many times, I tend to give up when I think no one is listening (or reading). If I can’t see that my efforts are making a difference, it is really hard for me to be motivated to continue, to stick it out, to be faithful.

And yet, I think those times when the challenges come and we can’t see the immediate results are the times when it really becomes faith, when it becomes not about what we see, but the conviction that we have that our cause is right, that we are right to care, to notice, to act.

I don’t know what God has planned for this project, for this race, for this fundraising. But I believe in our cause. I believe that He is honored in this group of people who choose to care and to give of our time, talents, and resources. There have been times when it would have been easy to walk away. But something keeps drawing me back to this project, to Carolyn’s desire to do something great for God, for my desire to cultivate compassion and build off my experiences in Nicaragua. I believe that we are right to care. And beyond that, the results become less important than the process, than our faithfulness, than our journey as a team.

Thank you for sharing that journey with us. Please pray that we will remain faithful even during the hard days & that God will use this for good, His good in our lives and for the good Samaritan’s Purse is doing even in the uttermost parts of the earth.

Happy 2011!

www.samaritanspurse.org

http://www.firstgiving.com/columbiacollege-teamsp

Day 27 – Making Tough Decisions

I have talked a lot about integrity – responding in love, seeing the full picture, acting with intentionality, making the right decisions. Sometimes, though, honestly I get stuck. I want to do the right thing, but I don’t really know what the right thing is. What then? I posed this question on my Facebook page and asked some of my trusted Christian friends as well. Then, I spent some time looking at some verses.

Here are some principles from 1 Peter 3: 8-17, that I found particularly helpful to my decision-making dilemna:

• Live in harmony with others. (v8)
• When that fails, repay others with a blessing. (v9)
• Speak well of others (v10)
• Do good (v11)
• Seek peace and pursue it (v11)
• Focus on God, not on myself and not on my situation (v12)
• Pray, knowing He is listening (v12)
• Develop and keep a clear conscience about what to do based on previous steps (v16)
• Act without fear (v14)
• Act with gentleness and respect (v15)
• Leave the results to God (v13)

As I moved down this list with my decision, I was led to really question my actions, my motives, and my focus. As I shifted my focus away from me to Him, as I really prayed about it and sought His wisdom and His clarity, my heart changed. What I needed to do changed; the decision itself changed. And I gained a whole new sense of what was right in the situation and a whole new sense of what I needed to do. Now that’s pretty cool, if I say so myself.

Day 17 – Speaking with Intentionality

As I ponder the integrity question, I realize that it really is a mind and heart question, both changing the way I think as well as the way I feel. I look to the book of James to start my thinking. I think integrity encompasses a lot of things, but it starts with “letting your yes, be yes and your no, be no” (James 5:12)– meaning what you say and speaking with intentionality.

This is something I struggle with and here are a couple of ready examples from the weekend. Let’s start small… sometimes I am just completely mindless in conversation. The guy behind the counter at the gym tells me to have a great workout, and I respond with “you, too” even though he is not working out, merely because I responded to what I thought he was going to say instead of actually listening to what he really had to say. It’s a small thing, but listening counts. Did I mean what I said? No, what I said didn’t even make sense.

Or the time last week in class when one of my classmates made a comment about an exam question. Instead of listening and responding to what she said, I immediately react without thinking, with my frustration at something entirely different. Speaking mindlessly.

Other times, I speak mindlessly and it has a lot more serious ramifications, disconnecting my words from the impact they will have or how I want them to be interpreted. I speak mindlessly and I hurt people that I care about, or I offend people without knowing that I have done so. I get so caught up in expressing myself that I miss what they are trying to say or I become oblivious to the hurt that I have inflicted.

Somehow, I need to pause intentionally, choose to really listen to the other person, and then respond in a way that shows I care, that I am listening to them, and that gives me an opportunity to convey the meaning that I actually want to convey. I need to speak with purpose, and to let my words match my meaning. I need to let my yes, mean my yes, and my no, mean my no.

All I can say is that kind of mindfulness is new and is much harder for me. It’s going to take discipline and practice to learn new habits, to change my mindset, to really connect with others in my conversations, so that they can trust my words and my heart.