Living Expectantly

Hope. It’s a strange thing. We want it. We seek it. But we’re almost afraid to have it. We’re afraid to be disappointed, afraid the reality won’t live up to our expectations. Sometimes, we’re afraid to imagine that God has something for us, and that something might be good.

I wonder what went through Ruth’s mind throughout this story. What was she thinking when she chose to follow Naomi back to Bethlehem? What could she have hoped for there? A husband seemed like a far stretch. Maybe she went just resigned to a life with a bitter mother-in-law – maybe she thought that was all she deserved or maybe she felt it was just the lot given to her. That’s what she needed to do. It felt like the right thing regardless if it meant laying down all her hopes and dreams.

I wonder what went through her mind as she approached the threshing floor. Did she let herself hope at this point? Could she imagine that Boaz would want to marry her? Or did she just go to be obedient to her mother-in-law’s wishes? Was she again just doing what she had to do?

As this other close relative, the other potential kinsman-redeemer comes on the scene, was she hopeful that someone would want to marry her? Could she imagine things working out? Or was she just resigned to be part of the property negotiated away by business men?

As I look at Ruth’s story, and all these incidents along the way, I think she had to have seeds of hope – perhaps planted in Boaz’ willingness to provide, by his invitation to the table, by the rumors early on of God’s provision in the midst of famine. Without hope, these incidents just look like going through the motions of life, hanging on by a thread. Yet, how often do we find ourselves there? How often do we feel like we walked away from our hopes and dreams? That there is no hope left for us. I’ve been there. I’ve felt that opportunities have passed me by or I made wrong choices or my favorite – that just must not have been God’s will for my life. And so, I leave hope on the side of the road and plug along resigned to live a perfectly mediocre but far from abundant life in Christ.

Here’s the thing, though. Ruth didn’t have any idea of the story that God wanted to write in her life. She didn’t know what God was going to do, she didn’t know that she was going to end up in Boaz’ field or that Boaz would even notice her. She didn’t know if she was going to get married again or if she was going to have a child. She didn’t know if Naomi would ever get over her bitterness. She didn’t know what was in store for her. BUT she lived expectantly. She lived sensing that God was going to do something, that if God was truly coming to the aid of His people, then maybe just maybe He could come to her aid and Naomi’s aid. She stepped out in faith expecting good things to happen, expecting God to work.

I would have been terrified to go work in a stranger’s field alone as a foreigner – but she went expecting God to provide food for her there. She approached the threshing floor, approached Boaz, and went expectantly –boldly proposing to him and asking him to serve as her kinsman-redeemer. She didn’t go timidly and say oh, you probably don’t want to marry me, a foreigner; you’ll be jeopardizing everything. She went expecting great things, realizing Boaz was a man of character, a man who echoed God’s provision and His care for His people. And she was bold enough to hope that she could be included in that promise and provision.

I think sometimes we have a hard time believing and living expectantly in Christ. We have a hard time allowing ourselves to hope that God has good things in store for us. And yet scripture tells us over and over that He is our Father, who takes delight in giving good gifts to His children.

“Which of you, if his son ask for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in Heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him?” (Matthew 7: 9-11)

(In the midst of captivity and judgment) “For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

(During suffering and persecution) “And the God of all grace, who called you into eternal glory in Christ Jesus, after you have suffered for a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.” (1 Peter 5:10)

“And we know that in all things (even heartache, loss, famine) God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?...No! In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, our Lord.” (Romans 8:35-39)

With these promises in our hearts and in our minds, we don’t have to leave hope on the side of the street. We can live expectantly – not knowing exactly how God is going to work, what He has in store for us in our lives, but we can know He is at work, He loves us, and His plans for us are for GOOD. When we can trust in His goodness for our lives, we can live boldly and expectantly, waiting to see how the story will unfold. It doesn’t mean the happy ending will look just as we imagined it, or that it will come when we want it to or in the way we expect. It may mean that it takes hard work and persistence on our part or walking through incredibly tough times, just as it did for Ruth. But He is able and He is willing to work on our behalf, on behalf of those who love Him and walk with Him. “…[He] is able and willing to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us” (Ephesians 3:20). Now that gives me hope!

The Threshing Floor

This lesson, based in Ruth chapter 3, has hit me particularly hard this week. Ruth steps out in courage and goes to the threshing floor to propose to Boaz. The waiting is over. Naomi gives her instructions and her blessing and now the only thing left for her to do is to approach Boaz.

For me, this lesson is not so much about proposing - I've never had the inclination to propose to anyone. It is, though, for me a lesson about being willing to trust God enough to step out in faith, not knowing what the response will be. I've struggled with that in regards to dating, in regards to work, in regards to my writing. I trust God, but sometimes I still let fear hold me back instead of moving forward in faith and trusting God with whatever happens.

That's what I appreciate about Ruth. I'm sure she was afraid of how Boaz would respond. Here was this guy who had taken her under his wing, looked after her and protected her, provided food for her and Naomi. She had to be afraid of screwing all that up. This proposal was going to change things between them - for better or worse. If her proposal was unfavorably received, she could be jeopardizing her primary source of provision. Boaz had been incredibly kind to her, but marriage is different - it goes beyond typical kindness. Boaz was a man of standing in the community and here was Ruth, a foreigner. He might be willing to invite her to the table, to be friends with her, but marrying her was an entirely different matter. This could jeopardize his standing in the community. Then there is the possibility that Boaz would think less of her for going to the threshing floor, not exactly a place of good repute. Would just the act of going reflect poorly on her?

As I picture it, all these fears had to be running through her mind. But then again, I am used to fears running through my mind. Sometimes I hear a constant stream of what ifs playing, and I can't seem to find the mute button. But regardless of whether the audio was playing in Ruth's mind or not, she went anyway. She didn't know how things were going to turn out. She didn't know how Boaz would respond, but she still stepped out in courage, with boldness, opening herself up to what God had in store for her.

What if she hadn't gone? What if she had listened to those fears? She would have kept on working in the fields, gathering food for herself and Naomi. Things would have continued rather normally. BUT... she would have missed out on Boaz, missed out on the story God wanted to write in her life. She never would have been a part of the line of King David. She wouldn't be listed in the geneology of Jesus. She would have lived a perfectly mediocre life without the incredible blessings God had in store for her.

That's what I want think God has been trying to show me this week, the importance of replacing my fearful what ifs with what if nots... What am I missing out on when I let fear hold me back? How does God want to bless me as I step out and trust Him? What story does God want to write in my life? Looking back, I see opportunities that I let slip away, times when I was too afraid of what might happen, good or bad, times when I was too afraid of opening up myself to what God wanted to do. I wonder what if. It's not that I imagine things would have worked out perfectly, but what would I have learned walking through it with Christ, what would I have learned about trusting Him? Those questions are not meant to tie me up in the past. I am usually fairly good about leaving the past behind me and living without regrets. I know I can't change those times, but I can choose here and now to make myself available, to choose faith over fear. I can choose a better way. I want to find out what God might want to do with my writing. I want to find out what God has in store for me career-wise. I don't want to close myself off to new opportunities because I am afraid.

"Perfect love casts out fear" (1 John 4:18). Ruth was able to step out. I can step out. We all can step out to the threshing floor because He loves us (Romans 5:8) and He is working for our good (Romans 8:28).

The Game-Changing Pursuit

If you are like me, you may have read the story of Ruth before and thought Ruth pursued Boaz (see chapter 3). However, as I re-read chapter 2 today, I am increasingly convinced that Boaz pursued Ruth. I don't think Ruth ever would have approached Boaz in chapter 3 if he had not torn down the barriers between them in these first game changing encounters in chapter 2.

Almost immediately from their first encounter, Boaz put himself in the role of protector over Ruth. He ensured her safety while working in the fields, provided for her thirst, and connected her with his servant girls. He went far beyond what the law required in terms of providing for the poor and acknowledged Ruth's extraordinary kindness to Naomi. If the story ended there, it would a very noble platonic act of kindness that spoke well of Boaz' character. Here, he is definitely a good guy.

But here, (Ruth 2: 10-13) he is still far removed from Ruth, socially and polically. There are still numerous boundaries set up between them that would make it impossible for either of them to even consider dating or marriage. (I'm guessing dating wasn't that popular - probably more straight marriage talk.) Ruth even responds to his kindness by admitting she doesn't even have the status of one of his servant girls. This relationship is doomed before it ever starts. He is way out of her league. A proposal is preposterous at this point.

But, game changer, the story doesn't end there. For whatever reason, Boaz reaches out to Ruth again, this time not to protect her, this time he invites her to his table (v 14-15) This time, he removes the social and political barriers, the cultural norms that would normally keep them at a safe distance from each other. He removes and ignores those norms and invites her to eat at his table, with his harvesters. He is in essence saying, you are much more than a servant girl. I want to continue the conversation,to get to know you. I want to invite you into my world.

I wonder if Ruth was flustered. I'm sure she didn't have time to primp and dress up. And after all, she had been working in the field all day - hot and sweaty, probably feeling not so attractive. Of all times to be invited to dinner with this wealthy, influential, probably attractive man and his harvesters. Not that this was a fancy occasion - they had been in the fields all day too - but it was special, because invitations like this didn't come for girls like Ruth. Girls like Ruth weren't invited to dinner, weren't invited anywhere. I wonder if Ruth felt out of place, worried about what to talk about, or how much to eat. She was probably starving, but we all know you don't want people to see you eat too much. I wonder if she was excited, if she started thinking about telling Naomi about her experiences, about this nice guy and his kindness to her. Even if nothing else came from this evening, it would likely be a day she would never forget.

I could fill in some date stories here, but I kind of like keeping the focus on Ruth. Isn't it a beautiful romance in the making? Separated by so many differences, and yet, in one simple act, Boaz removes those barriers and invites her into his world. And I believe it is this act that sets the stage for Chapter 3. This act is far beyond an act of kindness to a stranger; this act turns a stranger and a foreigner into a friend. As any respectable man, he even give her flowers - okay bundles of barley - but he doesn't send her home empty-handed.

Maybe I am romanticizing this encounter a little much. There is nothing overtly romantic in this encounter, but I do think it was a game changer. Without Boaz reaching out to Ruth, inviting her into his world, they would be forever divided by the cultural norms of the day. They would have been in separate worlds divided by ethnicity and socio-economic status. She never would have been able to approach him to ask him to be a kinsman-redeemer. That conversation could never have taken place. This game changer so important for another reason as well. This game changer is a precursor to the biggest game changer of them all - Jesus Christ. We, who were separated from God by our status as sinners, can have a relationship with Him BECAUSE He tore down the barriers. He came into our world, died and rose again to make it possible for us to be reconciled to God, for us in our unrighteousness and unworthiness to approach God in His righteousness and His Holiness. In Him, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female," (Galatians 3:28). All those barriers are now gone. They no longer hold us back from God or from each other. And even better, He invites us to His table (Revelation 19:6-10) to dine with Him. He wants to fellowship with us and get to know us and continue the conversation.

Hmmm... I love that picture. I am so glad that He notices me, that He cares, and that He pursues a relationship with me - even when I've been working in the fields and not feeling very attractive or loveable.

~Erin

My God & My Protector

Over ten years ago, when I got my first apartment and moved out of my parents’ to be on my own, one of my dad’s friends commented rather wryly, about how I shouldn’t be moving out on my own and how I should live with my parents until I was married. After all, I would be without a protector, a single woman by herself.
For those of you who know me, you can probably imagine how that comment went over. I can be stubborn, strong-willed, and outspoken at times, and my thinking and his were not exactly on the same page. Part of my story before Christ was that I didn’t think I needed anyone, not even God, but especially not a man. (I like to distinguish here between need and want. Just, FYI.)

But years, later, with hopefully more wisdom and experience, I have a slightly different take on that comment from long ago. I have now been the one with outsider labeled on her forehead multiple times, and I have moved to four different cities in those ten years – Mt Holly, NC then Rock Hill, SC, then Columbia, SC, and now Waco, TX, all places where I didn’t know anyone. All those moves later, I now know how nice it is to have someone take me under their wings, to be that protector for me.

In Rock Hill, it was Susie, one of the most incredibly vivacious and nurturing and loving women I have ever met. She immediately proclaimed herself to be my Rock Hill mother – to look after me as she would want someone to look after her daughters if they were away from home. She became an incredible mentor in my life and someone who just invested time and love in me. I so want to radiate Christ’s love to others like she did and to show that kind of hospitality.

In Columbia, it was a guy friend that I met at church that introduced me to people and helped me get connected. He became like an older brother to me over the years, the one I could turn to with crises. And then it was other friends of mine, true community – we would look out for each other physically, emotionally, and spiritually – praying during tough times, or walking each other to our cars late at night, or speaking up on relationship issues, or changing tires. Many of us didn’t have family close by, so we became like family for each other.

I think those experiences give me an appreciation for that role of protector that I didn’t have before, the need for someone I could turn to when I needed help. Now, wherever I am, I try to identify a car trouble friend – someone that I can call if my car breaks down on the side of the road. I have roadside assistance, but it is that principle of knowing who I could turn to if I needed help in a vulnerable situation. It’s one of the first to-do’s on my moving list, seeking out an emergency contact. Wow – God has a way of changing us. It sounds a little different from ten years ago and my steely stubbornness of not needing anyone.

And as I read this 2nd chapter of Ruth, I am struck by Boaz reaching out to Ruth and putting himself immediately in that role. He could easily have ignored this strange girl. He didn’t have any obligation to her. He was already providing according to the law, by allowing her to glean from the leftovers of the harvest. But he went beyond the law, beyond what he was required to do. He immediately recognized her vulnerability and reached out to her as a father figure, making arrangements to ensure her protection, urging her not to go to other fields, instructing his men to leave her alone, and placing her in community with other servant girls, so that she wouldn’t be by herself.

I can imagine how many fears Ruth must have had going into those fields for the first time by herself – as a young, single, poor foreigner. I can only imagine how relieved and how much safer she must have felt knowing now that someone was looking out for her safety and wellbeing, providing for her thirst, and showing genuine concern.

And as any wise single woman, she knows to question the kindness – to make sure it doesn’t come with strings attached of a far more sinister nature. What a relief it must have been to realize that Boaz’ kindness was not just a random act of kindness to a stranger, but a kindness of heart with sound character. Boaz’ kindness to her was with recognition of the sacrifices and kindness that Ruth herself had shown to Naomi. His kindness is not just hospitality to a stranger, but a way of recognizing and honoring Ruth’s kindness, one that could easily have been overlooked by others. I have a hard time picturing the people of Bethlehem giving Ruth a pat on the back for coming back with Naomi. I picture them instead much more likely to be saying – what on earth was she thinking? In light of her sacrifices though, how much more beautiful is it to have Boaz say, I see what you did and I think it is amazing. And just as you have taken care of Naomi, may God look over and protect you. And I’ll do my part as well.

That’s pretty amazing. My God, and my protector…

A Stranger in a Strange Land

Texas is a strange land. Things are just a little different in Texas. Sometimes I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there’s this feeling that I don’t belong here, that I am an outsider in an insider world. Don’t get me wrong – people here are polite and friendly, but most of the people around here have roots deeper than the California Redwoods. And I don’t – I don’t have that common sense of history, those common memories, that sense of settledness that seems to come with the territory. I’m single and I’ve been rather transient. I’m used to coming and going, but not necessarily staying.

I take great encouragement in the fact that Ruth was a foreigner too and very much an outsider in an insider world, an outsider geographically and an outsider religiously. I can just almost hear the gossip now –Who does she think she is? The covenant doesn’t apply to her. Over and over again the author of Ruth refers to her as Ruth the Moabitess – as if she actually wears a label saying outsider stamped on her forehead. I can relate. Sometimes, we can’t hide that the fact that we stick out like a sore thumb in a place where everyone knows everyone.

But what I like about Ruth is that she doesn’t just sit around hanging out with Naomi. She ventures out. She decides to be productive, to go about building some kind of life. She knows she & Naomi need food and she sets out to provide, even when she’s not so sure what she is doing. You could say it was reckless and dangerous to set out by herself to go glean in other people’s fields. She was young, single, poor, and a foreigner, probably the most vulnerable of all people. She sets out by herself, though, to do something, something rather than nothing. At the time, she had no idea how God would provide. She had no idea the story yet to be written. She just made a decision to do the best thing she knew to do and left the rest in God’s hands.

Sometimes starting over is like learning to walk, taking a couple of steps and falling down and getting back up again. And I’ve learned that sometimes I don’t know what to do to make things be okay, to get where God wants me to be, to get to the insider track. Sometimes I just step out and do something, hoping that God will bless it, that He will protect me even in light of my sometimes seemingly reckless decisions.

And He does. Several times this week as I have been pondering this study, God has brought to my mind my move to Columbia almost five years ago. It is almost eerie how similar the struggles are, the questions, the fears, and the process of settling in to a new environment. But what is so wonderful is seeing how God placed me right where I needed to be, answered those questions and resolved those fears over time, and led me to a peace and settledness that was much more real than geography.

Now, as I find myself asking questions or missing home, I look back at the answers He provided before, and I hear Him saying the same thing. Trust me. I work all things for good and I am at work here for your good and for a greater good. I am in control. And I care. I’m not done writing the story yet.
I look forward to letting Him write the story and to discovering the end He has in store, for Ruth and for me. Good things await. God things await.

Mother in Laws & Religion

Chapter 1 of the Ruth Saga continues... Today, we read about Naomi asking Ruth & Orpah, her two widowed daughter in laws, to return and go back to Moab. Indulge me in a picture of how this scene may have transpired, in a completely fictionalized scenario. We don’t know much about what actually happened from scripture, but just imagine what it might look like today. Imagine…

Imagine getting married to someone of a different faith, knowing the parents likely will not approve. (The Moabites were enemies of the Israelites… A Moabite probably was not the spouse Naomi wished for either of her sons.) Imagine getting married anyway and just learning to deal with the topic of religion when it comes up with his family. Maybe it’s just easier to pretend to believe the same things, to worship the same God, to silence the talk of all those “differences.” Or maybe you and your spouse compromise – choose to worship together, one week with his God, the other week with your gods. Maybe you enjoy learning more about his religion, his beliefs, his people, their culture, their faith. Maybe it’s intriguing, even if it is different from the ways you were taught, the gods that you serve, the beliefs of your people. Or maybe you just want your mother-in-law to stop holding your faith against you. Maybe you just want to get along and not replay the same faith argument over and over.

Imagine, now, that it’s several years after you got married. Your father-in-law dies, and then you husband dies. You still have a relationship with your mother-in-law, but now it’s not the same. You are both grieving. You both are facing lonely and impoverished lives as heir-less widows. But now, you don’t have to get along. You don’t have to pretend anymore to like her faith or her people, her culture. Your husband isn’t there to urge the two of you to play nice and get along. He isn’t there to mitigate the faith conversation and now you don’t have to care or explain or bother with the differences. Now you are free to worship as you please. And, your mother-in-law is preparing to return to her country. You start to go along, because you think you should. You don’t want to leave her and hear her complain again about how horrible her life is and how she has been abandoned by everyone, even God, and now even you. You just aren’t in the mood to hear her complain, so you take the path of least resistance which is to just join her. You might stay for awhile and then come up with an excuse later or a family “emergency” to turn back.

And then, wonder of all wonders, your mother-in-law gives you a way out. She brings up going back. She urges you to go back. It catches you off guard. You can’t believe she is being this nice, that she understands, that she gets it. She does see that all your hopes of getting remarried lie in your hometown, not in her land, with her people. Ah, this is the best gift she could give you, a guilt-free option to return home….

Now I realize this is a fictionalized account based on my imagination of this scene. But doesn’t it put this story in perspective a little bit? Could you imagine being in an inter-faith marriage, a marriage attached with a great deal of stigma, and then choosing to return with your mother-in-law?

It really defies reason. I completely understand Orpah turning back in the story (Ruth 1:14). But, Ruth stays. Three times, Naomi gives her a way out, and three times Ruth chooses to stay. Why? In verse 15 Naomi makes her final plea, “Look, your sister in law is going back to her people and her gods. Go back with her” (v15). Now, don’t you think this is typical mother-in-law behavior, bringing up the touchy subject of religion here? In our fictionalized account, this is your mother in law saying, I am on to you. You don’t have to pretend anymore to like my God. I know you were playing nice for your husband’s sake. I’m not going to try to win you over anymore to our beliefs. You are free to worship as you choose. Let’s not fight anymore and just go our separate ways.

So, here is the amazing part – Ruth wasn’t pretending. Somewhere along the way, her beliefs changed. Somewhere along the way, she turns her back on her culture and her people in lieu of something better. She boldly professes to Naomi – No, “Your people will be my people and your God, my God” (v16). Why? She worshipped many gods. She could have just added the God of Israel as one of her many gods. She could have went with Naomi without converting to her faith – after all, she had lived as a Moabite for years without converting to her husband’s faith.

Why? I am left wondering the why. I don’t have the clear answer from scripture, but speculating again, I suspect that something got her attention. Maybe she had heard of God’s blessing on the Israelites and His covenant with them. Maybe she had heard rumors of the Promised Land. In her statement to Naomi, though, she personalizes God, my God. So I think she had experienced Him personally in some way, through her relationship with her husband or Naomi. I suspect their love for her echoed God’s love. I imagine she saw something in them, even through the family tragedies that spoke of a peace or comfort that her gods couldn’t provide. Maybe they left her craving to know more and willing to continue on the journey with her mother-in-law, willing to choose to follow this other God and experience Him for herself.

As I ponder this story, I am left with some haunting questions, and I pose them to you as well – Do we echo God’s love for others? Is there something about our lives that leaves others craving to know God more? Are there times we go through the motions with faith, pretending to go along with the beliefs of others or unsure of what we believe? Or do we personalize our relationship with Him and choose Him over all the other false gods and distractions around?
Thank you for reading and for sharing this part of Ruth’s journey with me. Stay tuned for more, the saga is just beginning.

Facing the Famine

I started a new Bible study this week on Ruth. There was something appealing about taking a new look at the woman who left family, friends, and home behind to follow God, not really knowing what was ahead. Maybe it just sounded familiar to me, and I maybe I just craved the ending of the story where it turns out she is exactly where she is supposed to be. Maybe, just maybe I needed that reassurance myself, to be reminded that God provides and restores and that He has a good ending in store.

The story of week one & chapter one, though, starts not with Ruth but with Naomi and starts not with hope or redemption but with famine, with the land of God’s promise and provision being replaced with a dry & thirsty land. Of course, the Promised Land had never stopped being the land of promise. God was always there and always calling His people back to Himself. But they had turned their backs on Him. Seeing only the famine and not seeing God’s promises, Naomi and her husband and their two sons pack up and move. They leave town, leave the Promised Land in search of food.

God is Jehovah-Jirah, the God who provides, but He allows the famines to come. The physical famine in Egypt that brought Joseph’s brothers there (Genesis 41 & 42), the wilderness where the Israelites lived only off quail & manna (Exodus 16), the barrenness of Hannah who desperately wanted a child (1 Samuel 1), the tremendous loss in Job’s life (Job 1 & 2), the widow’s last bit of flour and oil (1 Kings 17) – scripture is full of famines, physical, emotional, and spiritual. The famines come, times when we feel that God is distant and far away, times when we question if He has forgotten us or forsaken us, times when we don’t know what is next, when it looks and feels like the barrel is running dry.

It’s a scary place to be. I would like to be like Job who responded so gracefully, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21). Instead, my tendency is like Naomi and her husband’s response – let me go looking for some food, let me go searching for where God is and let me go make things happen. I like to make things happen. I am not one to whine about my circumstances. I like to fix things, to fix people, to step in and change things. It goes against my nature during a famine to “Be still and know that [He is] God” (Psalm 46:10).

For Naomi, things just got worse. Now, she is in a distant land, her husband dies, and then later her two sons die – a famine of an entirely different kind. Now, she is alone and bitter.

I’ve been in a famine. I need to admit that, really even before I moved to Texas. It sounds crazy to say that because my life has been incredibly blessed. It’s been rough, though, barren in some ways. In some ways, Texas was relief from some of that famine – relief from financial struggles and work issues. But in some ways, it led to a different kind of famine – isolation from family and friends, a lack of purpose and ministry. I left behind so much that was good in my life, people that I care about, a church and a community that felt like home. And sometimes, every once in awhile, I feel a little like Naomi – alone in a distant land and bordering on bitterness. It’s not a good place to be.

But… and I love BUTs here. But, Naomi remembers God, remembers His promises and His provision. God didn’t change. He hadn’t gone anywhere, but Naomi had gotten sidetracked by life, by the famine, by her circumstances. Then, though, she hears about God’s provision in Judah. She hears from folks at home that the famine is over, that God is providing, that there is food to eat. And immediately, she wants to be there. She wants to be back in the Promised Land and she immediately makes preparations for the journey. She remembers. She remembers (I’m imagining here) what it was like to experience God’s blessings and to live in the land flowing with milk and honey. She remembers what it felt like to be home, and she started craving it.

I fully believe one reason that God allows famines in our lives is to lead us to the place where we crave Him, where we crave His presence and His provision in our lives. Sometimes we can fill our lives with so much junk and so many distractions, and He wants us to fill our lives with Him, with His spirit, with His love. That’s what I am craving. I want more of Him and less of me. I want to be in the land of His promise and provision. I want to sense His presence and to know that I am where He has called me to be. He is the Living Water (John 4), and the One who provides a well in the desert (Genesis 21), a well that will never run dry.

The famines come, but I am so glad they are not the end of the story. In fact, the famine is only the beginning. And although Naomi returns home bitter and barren, God isn’t done with her. She is where God wants her to be and He is about to do an amazing work in her life.

Hmmm… I knew I would enjoy the story of Ruth and this Bible study. It’s definitely a message I needed to hear and needed to share. Stay tuned for more, or read ahead yourself, Ruth 1-4.

Day 50 - Breaking Fast & Going Forward

Fifty days ago, I began a journey to intentionally seek God’s will in my life in the area of relationships. I was heartbroken and hurting, in need of God’s healing, His peace, His restoration in my life. I wanted to know His heart, His love, His desires and also how to live those out in integrity not just with dating relationships, but with family, friends, co-workers, everyone in my circle of life.

I started with a list of passages and themes, but I didn’t really know where He would lead. Maybe I thought I would end up justified, that I was right or had the right answers. That’s a laugh, for sure, as seeking God is always a humbling experience reminding me that He is God and I am not.

Instead I found God challenging me, challenging my thoughts about what it means to love, how to make intentional decisions, how to trust Him to write the script in my life. Even more so, I found Him asking me to be content where I am, focusing single-mindedly on Him, even while in the midst of pursuing His will and His plans for the future. I found Him reminding me that is He is the great healer, the One who can do abundantly more than we could think or imagine, the One whose ways are much higher than our ways, and the One that can redeem any kind of painful circumstance in our lives and bring radical good out of it for His glory and to accomplish His purposes.

I am thankful for the truths of His word, that the Bible isn’t just empty words on a page, but words that speak directly to my life, to my needs and my questions and my crises. I am thankful it always points me to God who is in complete control and who cares intimately about me and about each of us.

I’ve had several people ask me about what is next. And the truth is I don’t have that answer either. But as I seek to apply these truths in my life, I am trusting God to give me wisdom to make the right decisions about dating and to both guide and guard my heart as I try to live those truths out with integrity.

Psalm 147:11 says “The Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love.” Going forward, I want Him to be able to delight in my life, and I want to be able to put my hope in His love, a love that never fails. I certainly do not think I am there yet, but I know the journey of getting there is incredibly worth it.

Thank you for being a part of this chapter of my life and for encouraging me in this journey. It has been cool to have conversations with old friends and new through this process, reflecting, connecting, and even sometimes disagreeing over my thoughts. It is great to share life together with others.

May God bless…
erin

Day 36 – Next Steps

I look back over these truths from these past weeks and I see more of who God wants me to be and how I can honor Him in my singleness and in my relationships. Through it, I have realized my failures, my unhealthy patterns, and a standard that I could never possibly live up to but a love that loves me regardless. I have realized that while it is hard to trust a guy with my heart, that I can always trust God with my heart and that He will be there and guide me whether it leads to the greatest love I have ever known or the greatest heartbreak I can imagine. God does work all things out for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. When we seek Him, He will take care of us, even when we get off track or let Him down.

Through this journey, God has taught me compassion, how to really feel for others. He has taught me what it means to really love, to make those intentional choices to respond in love, even in the midst of pain… and how impossible that is apart from Him. It is because of His love for me, that it becomes possible for me to love others, romantically but also and perhaps more importantly others around me, family, friends, co-workers. His love is a transforming love, a powerful love, an active love.

As I look at these truths and look at my life, I think about how I am going to put together the pieces. During these next two weeks, I want to shift to thinking about that, how to live out these truths. I know God still has a lot to show me along the way, but I want to start making decisions and start living these truths out in my everyday life. I want to cultivate that contentment, to live out integrity, to reach out in love to those around me.

So many times when I am seeking God’s will, I get caught up in what He wants me to do next. When that happens, I go back to one particular verse, one that says exactly what I need to be doing to find God’s peace and His will, Philippians 4:10. “Do what you have learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.” How can God show me the next steps before I learn to do what He has already shown me? He has revealed so many truths to me over the last few weeks, and as I go forward my task is to keep remembering those truths and to actively and continuously apply them to my life and my relationships.

Day 32 – Single-minded

During the past month, I have focused a lot on relationships. I want my dating life to glorify God; I want to get married one day; I want to choose to love another person in the way that God chooses to love me. I want the freedom of spending the rest of my life with someone who knows me, who cares about me, who wants the best for me. I want all of that and more.

But I am serious about wanting God to write the script in my life. I give those desires to Him. I was talking to one of my friends the other day, sharing with him about all the great lessons that God has been teaching me. And I value those, and I know that through those God is preparing me to be the woman He created me to be. But my friend’s response resonated with me. He said, all that sounds good, but I guess I’m content being single.

I used to be content being single. I used to not think about dating much, because I didn’t date much. Now, I’ve lost a lot of that contentment and shifted my focus so much to relationships, that I’m in danger of missing the One who created me for relationship. I’ve spent so much time trying to figure out who I need to be in a relationship, that I’ve forgotten that God wants to use me right now, where I am, a single person free from family obligations and soon to be free from school obligations. He wants to use me now... to love others, to serve Him, to grow in faith, to minister to others.

1 Corinthians 8 says that there is much value in being single… that when we’re single, we can devote ourselves to God without distraction. When we’re married (and I think it applies also to relationships) our attention is divided. We can so easily get distracted because then we have to take another person into account.

I’m thankful for what God has taught me about relationships. I want to learn to be that woman of integrity, to make wise decisions, to love, to forgive, to choose peace… I want those, and I want God to continue to teach me and to prepare me to be the woman He created me to be. But I also want to be single-minded towards Him. I want Him to be the focus of life, for Him to write the script, for Him to use me and to grow me, and for Him to glorified in my life, now as I am single, and in the future, whatever that holds. I want to focus on serving Him, on ministering to others, on worshipping Him, and fulfilling His will for my life.

I say that I am on a dating fast… that is changing. I am turning in my dating desires, to give them to Him entirely, not just until May 8th, but until His timing, and only if He writes the script and builds the house. My focus instead is on Christ and glorifying Him.

Day 29 - Writing the Script

I’ve been fortunate to be in some good relationships, even with solid Christian guys with good hearts, guys that at the end of the day I could say even though the relationship didn’t work out, I was glad to have had them in my life. But I’m learning that finding a good guy isn’t enough; finding that rare combination of Godly character, compatibility, and chemistry is not enough; praying and seeking God’s will strangely is not enough. That something is missing, something that is challenging the whole way I think about dating.

The verse that is on my mind today is Psalm 127:1 - “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” That’s it…. Sometimes, often times, I go into a relationship thinking about what I need to do and who I need to be. I think about a checklist of priorities or traits that I’m looking for in someone and then I think about how I can make it work, even when things get tough. But what God is showing me is that I can’t build the relationship. Even me and the other person, the two of us together can’t build that relationship into what it needs to be, even if we clothe it in prayer and godly intentions. God has to not only be in the relationship, He has to build the relationship – His way, in His timing, and according to His will.

I have had times where I really thought God was in it, where both me and the guy were truly seeking God’s will. Now, though, I can look back at some of those relationships and see that God wasn’t writing the script; we were writing it, according to what we thought was His will and then prayerfully submitting it for His approval.

Honestly, I don’t know what it looks like to let God write the script in my relationships, anymore than I know what it looks like to let Him write the script for my life. So many times I come with my desires, my requests and submit them for His approval instead of seeking Him, knowing Him, gaining clarity into the direction He wants me to head. He cares about me. He wants me to have abundant life in Him, so why can I not trust Him to lead me to His best? (Psalm 23) Why do I try to pick up a pen, when He has already written a beautiful story for my life, better than anything I could think or imagine? (Jeremiah 29:11)

Day 27 – Making Tough Decisions

I have talked a lot about integrity – responding in love, seeing the full picture, acting with intentionality, making the right decisions. Sometimes, though, honestly I get stuck. I want to do the right thing, but I don’t really know what the right thing is. What then? I posed this question on my Facebook page and asked some of my trusted Christian friends as well. Then, I spent some time looking at some verses.

Here are some principles from 1 Peter 3: 8-17, that I found particularly helpful to my decision-making dilemna:

• Live in harmony with others. (v8)
• When that fails, repay others with a blessing. (v9)
• Speak well of others (v10)
• Do good (v11)
• Seek peace and pursue it (v11)
• Focus on God, not on myself and not on my situation (v12)
• Pray, knowing He is listening (v12)
• Develop and keep a clear conscience about what to do based on previous steps (v16)
• Act without fear (v14)
• Act with gentleness and respect (v15)
• Leave the results to God (v13)

As I moved down this list with my decision, I was led to really question my actions, my motives, and my focus. As I shifted my focus away from me to Him, as I really prayed about it and sought His wisdom and His clarity, my heart changed. What I needed to do changed; the decision itself changed. And I gained a whole new sense of what was right in the situation and a whole new sense of what I needed to do. Now that’s pretty cool, if I say so myself.

Day 24 – The Missing Piece

Love… do I really know how to love someone? I know how to be in a relationship with someone. I know how to care about someone. I know how to let someone into my life. But I’m not really sure I know how to love someone. And it doesn’t matter what else I bring to the table, or whatever other good is there, without love, it is useless. (1 Corinthians 13: 1-3).

I’m talking about real love, sacrificial love – a love that is patient, that is kind, a love that does not envy, and is not prideful; a love that is considerate, putting the other first, and love that is not selfish, is not about seeking self gain; a love that doesn’t respond in anger, even when blind-sided or hurt; a love that forgives instead of keeping a tally of faults or failures; a love that is honest and true, even when the truth hurts, and a love that is actively protecting, and hoping, and working for the best (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7).

The truth is even when I start out genuinely caring about the other person, when things get tough, it is too easy to become impatient and selfish, too tempting to keep track of the wrongs, the embarrassment, the pain; too risky to not be selfish; too dangerous to continue to hope.

The only hope for learning to love like the picture in 1 Corinthians is to be perfected by God’s love for me, to let His love radiate through me and change my heart and my mind, to change my natural responses from one of selfishness to selflessness, to develop a new capacity to love based on His love, His patience, His grace that He has shown me. He is the one that is slow to anger and quick to forgive. He doesn’t keep track of our sins and He is always there even when we hurt him or grieve Him. He sets the example for me to follow, for us to follow, to show us how to love each other in a radically different way, with a life-changing kind of love.

Perhaps love is not just the missing piece in my life, but also the missing piece in our society, the piece that keeps us from moving beyond selfishness to building intentional connections and community, to really sharing life with each other and really caring about the other people around us. Ah, that sounds like another topic for another day. What do you think?

Day 21 – Looking Through the Glass Dimly

I need new glasses. I am near-sighted in one eye and far-sighted in the other, so without my glasses I have a hard time getting any sense of depth perception or sanity. But because each eye is good at something, I can manage for a short time without any glasses at all. I may not have the most accurate picture or the complete picture but I can usually make do fairly well over a short period of time.

I just got new windshield wipers, thankfully. Who knew how essential these were for living in Columbia, not just for dealing with rain, but to get rid of the yellow sheet of pollen on my windshield every morning.

Over the last few weeks as I have been on this fast, I am beginning to see just how often I get used to looking through the glass dimly (1 Corinthians 13:12) – of course I am not just talking about a dirty windshield or adjusting my eyesight without the right glasses. So many times, I get used to seeing situations, people, relationships through my limited perspective. Instead of seeing how things really are, I see what I want to see, or what I expect to see. It may not be the most accurate or complete picture, but I make do and fill in the rest with my best guess.

Even my best attempts and best guesses are often well off the mark. Here is a good example. I really struggled when I left my full-time job to go back to grad school full-time. Everyone else seemed to be at a different place in their lives and I didn’t seem to fit the mold. The other night, though, as I was celebrating my less than a month to go graduation with some friends, one of them talked about how hard it was for her in grad school; this was someone that I completely thought fit the mold and had an easier time of it than most. All I could see was how hard it was for me… and it never occurred to me that it was that hard for her too. I was seeing through the glass dimly.

At other times, where I have seen hostility, there has really been hurt. Where I have seen aloofness in coworkers or colleagues, it has been their loneliness and need for true friendship. Instead of hearing what someone is saying, sometimes I assume I know what it on their mind or heart. Instead of praying and seeking God’s will, I assume I can figure it out on my own. So many times I miss what is really there or what God is trying to show me, because I become content with my dim picture.

Then I think about the Chris Tomlin song, “Give Me Your Eyes.” Oh, how I want to see as God sees. How I want to have His compassion to see the hurt and needs of others. I want to have His perspective – “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways, my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9).

I may never be able to see the full picture, but I want to see through His lenses, His love and His truth. The lenses that see us as we are, imperfect, clumsy, flawed people but that choose to view that through His incomprehensible and perfect love.

Day 17 – Speaking with Intentionality

As I ponder the integrity question, I realize that it really is a mind and heart question, both changing the way I think as well as the way I feel. I look to the book of James to start my thinking. I think integrity encompasses a lot of things, but it starts with “letting your yes, be yes and your no, be no” (James 5:12)– meaning what you say and speaking with intentionality.

This is something I struggle with and here are a couple of ready examples from the weekend. Let’s start small… sometimes I am just completely mindless in conversation. The guy behind the counter at the gym tells me to have a great workout, and I respond with “you, too” even though he is not working out, merely because I responded to what I thought he was going to say instead of actually listening to what he really had to say. It’s a small thing, but listening counts. Did I mean what I said? No, what I said didn’t even make sense.

Or the time last week in class when one of my classmates made a comment about an exam question. Instead of listening and responding to what she said, I immediately react without thinking, with my frustration at something entirely different. Speaking mindlessly.

Other times, I speak mindlessly and it has a lot more serious ramifications, disconnecting my words from the impact they will have or how I want them to be interpreted. I speak mindlessly and I hurt people that I care about, or I offend people without knowing that I have done so. I get so caught up in expressing myself that I miss what they are trying to say or I become oblivious to the hurt that I have inflicted.

Somehow, I need to pause intentionally, choose to really listen to the other person, and then respond in a way that shows I care, that I am listening to them, and that gives me an opportunity to convey the meaning that I actually want to convey. I need to speak with purpose, and to let my words match my meaning. I need to let my yes, mean my yes, and my no, mean my no.

All I can say is that kind of mindfulness is new and is much harder for me. It’s going to take discipline and practice to learn new habits, to change my mindset, to really connect with others in my conversations, so that they can trust my words and my heart.

Day 15 -- True Freedom

My heart’s cry is to be a woman of integrity. I want to act honorably and sincerely in my relationships with other people, my work relationships, my dating relationships, my friendships. I want to be known as a woman of principle and a woman of my word. Sometimes, though, I miss the mark entirely.

The truth is, sometimes I don’t even know what integrity looks like. I don’t know what the right answer or right decision is. Sometimes I get lost in indecisiveness or just start drifting along with what feels right at the moment. One of my close friends had an honest conversation with me once about my patent unreliability and indecisiveness. Wow. That was hard to hear. But he was right, that’s not who I want to be.

“True freedom has more to do with following the North Star that with going whichever way the wind blows. Sometimes it seems like freedom is blowing with the winds of the day, but that kind of freedom is an illusion. It turns your boat in circles. Freedom is sailing toward your goals” (Mary Pipher, Reviving Ophelia)

There have been many times I have just drifted along; times I have been turned in circles, doing whatever fits at the moment, but not really getting anywhere. I don’t want that anymore. I want to be fixed on Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2) That is one of the reasons I am on this fast, to seek His will, to find clarity about the decisions that I need to make and who I need to be, in dating, in my career, in every aspect of my life. So many times, my life gets so busy with noise, that I forget to “be still and know He is God.”

As much as I want to be a woman of integrity, I can’t do that if I don’t know what it looks like. How can I be a woman of integrity if I don’t have a clear sense of the principles that I want to live by? How can I act with honor if I am constantly changing my mind? How can people trust my sincerity when it changes every day?

In the days and weeks ahead, I want to focus on discerning what integrity looks like. I have some ideas – noble character like Ruth, acting in love like 1 Corinthians 13, having true beauty that comes from within.

If you have suggestions for me as well, please share them. I welcome your comments and feedback. What does it means to act with integrity and honor? And how do we live it out when integrity is not always honored by those around us?

Day 13 - Dating, Jobs, and Tattoos

Over the past several years, fear is one thing I have struggled with constantly in relationships. I am a self-confessed commitment-phobe, afraid of getting too close, of getting hurt, of hurting someone else. I’m also afraid of dating the wrong person or making poor decisions or just screwing up my life. And you know, the more I think about it, it’s true for a lot more of my life than just dating – it’s true of careers, and ministry, and buying a house, or getting a tattoo. Commitment terrifies me. I steer clear of signing on the dotted line as much as possible.

God is showing me, though, that I don’t have to be fearful in any of those situations. 1 John 4:18 says “There is no fear in love. Perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears has not reached perfection in love.” I read that and at first, I was taken back. Punishment is not what I am afraid of… but maybe it is…. I’m afraid of the consequences that might come, the failure, the hurt, the bad decisions. But I don’t have to be. God wants to perfect us in His love… it’s not that the consequences won’t necessarily come – it’s that I can trust God regardless of what happens.

I’m learning that I can trust God with my heart. I can be open and not fearful in relationships because I know that He cares and He will take care of me whether a relationship leads to heart-break or an incredible love unlike any that I’ve ever known. I can trust Him with my career, because I know that He will take care of me whether I am in the same job for 35 years or whether I am laid off tomorrow. I can trust Him with whatever comes, good or bad, because He is in control AND He cares. His grace is sufficient for me and His strength is perfect when my strength is gone.

I still worry sometimes about those decisions, but then I read 1 Timothy 1:7. “God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind.” When we walk with Him, He gives us the wisdom to make the right decisions, He gives us the power to live the life He has called us to live, and He has given us a love that is constant and true, even when all else fails.

We, I, don't have to be afraid of commitment. I can approach situations boldly, knowing that He has equipped me to make wise decisions, to commit to the right things. Even when I get off track or when things don't work out the way I have planned, He'll be there in the aftermath, comforting me and using it for my good. I don't have to be afraid of relationships; I have to use Godly wisdom when it comes to relationships. I don't have to know what job I will be at tomorrow, or next year, or five years from now; I have to know the one that is preparing me for the role He wants me to play. I don't have to fear; I can live abundantly in Him and in His power, trusting Him whatever tomorrow brings.

Perfect love does drive out fear.

Day 10 - Abundantly More...

John 2:1-5

The story of Jesus turning the water into wine… We talked about this story yesterday in Sunday school, and it taught me something new about how to pray.

In the story, Mary comes to Jesus with a situation – a problem, not a solution, not a request, just a problem. She doesn’t state any desire of her own. She just shares her problem with Jesus and then lets go of it. Actually, she walks away, leaving it entirely in Jesus’ hands.

And Jesus responds, providing His solution to her problem – a solution that showed He cared, that glorified God, and that more than solved the problem. In fact, the solution He provided probably far exceeded anything Mary could have requested or imagined. He provided abundantly more.

So many times, I pray about my requests, bringing God my solutions to my problems and wanting Him to make them happen. Or I pray my desires, as if I know the best picture possible for my life and He just needs to allow it to happen. Praying that way, though, I miss out on the miracles that He wants to do in my life. I may miss out on the abundantly more that He wanted for me. It may lead me further away from God’s plan for my life. As I’ve pondered this passage yesterday and today, I have become more convinced that my way of praying doesn’t honor God and His sovereignty. It doesn’t acknowledge Him as Lord of my life and it doesn’t glorify Him.

During this journey, I want to be a blank slate before Him, giving Him my problems, my desires, and leaving them in His hands, letting Him answer as He wants, being able to walk away and leave my past, present, and future in His hands. Instead of requesting, I want to share, to lay my burdens at His feet and then wait on Him to answer, to guide, to lead in the way He chooses.

I want Him to be the one writing the script, not me. I don’t want His approval for my life, I want to sign on to His best that He already has planned for me. I have a feeling it will be abundantly more…

Day 7 - An Invitation to Go Deeper

Exodus 33: 7-11

The other week in our prayer group, we talked about this passage… and it has still been resonating in my heart.

The tent of meeting was set up outside the Israelite camp, as a place where anyone could go to meet with God. Anyone could go. It was an open invitation for all who wanted to know Him personally, anyone who wanted to inquire of the Lord.

Only Moses and Joshua went, though. The invitation was open to all, but the verses say these two were the ones that went. It says that the others would stand outside their tents and watch, from the sidelines. They would watch as God’s presence would visibly descend on the Tent of Meeting. They would stand and worship, but none of them chose to go to the tent themselves.

I wonder why. Why would they stay on the sidelines when they could see God and know Him more? Why would they hesitate to meet with God and to fellowship with Him?

Was it because they didn’t care? I don’t think so. They stood and watched. They cared about what was going on. They chose not to get involved. Maybe because going to the tent required leaving the safety of the camp behind. Maybe because it required connecting with God personally instead of relying on their leaders. Maybe because they were satisfied with what they already knew.

All these reasons sound familiar to me. They are all reasons/ excuses that I have used. It’s much easier to stay in camp, to be safe, than to dare to go deeper, to experience God personally. Experiencing God, though, takes risks, it involves hardship and leaving the familiar to trust Him day by day. But it also leads to joy and peace. Because he came and met with God, Moses had a friendship with God. God met with him, face to face; God spoke to Moses and revealed Himself to Moses in a special way… all because Moses dared to go deeper.

I don’t want to watch from the sidelines. I still want to go deeper with Him. I want to be His friend. I want Him to reveal Himself to me and to show me His will for my life.

Day 5 - A Settled Future

1 Peter 5:10

I feel sad. I don’t know if I am ready to shake the dust off and close the door with finality. I haven't been ready to close that door yet. I need to, but I guess I still struggle with saying my final goodbye to that chapter in my life.

The last few weeks have been very unsettling, and honestly, they are just a small part of a much larger unsettled feeling in my life. Over the past five years, I have moved four times, been through several major job changes, gone back to graduate school, which was a huge transition in itself, and really created an upheaval in my life from who I was before. Change is not necessarily a bad thing, but I have had a lot of it over the last several years. And my life is getting ready to change again, in May, after I graduate. I’m not really sure what changes that will bring about, but I know I am excited about having free nights and weekends and the ability to get back involved in ministry.

Really, I yearn to be settled, to be in a place for more than a year, to have roots in the community, at church, at work. I want to know what it is like to have some stability, without getting bored and without getting complacent, but having some sense of being established. Some of my friends here in Columbia have been here for many years, and sometimes I’m jealous of that sense of shared history they have with others, walking through different life changes together, seeing each other grow, and helping each other. I crave that sometimes, and sometimes it seems so far from where I have been and where I am right now.

This verse in 1 Peter is one of my life verses. I cling to it in moments like this, when I feel unsettled, because it says that God has a plan, and He will ESTABLISH us, STRENGTHEN us, and SETTLE us. On the other side of the suffering and hardships and changes of life, God will bring us to a settled place in Him. I love that.

It reminds me of Abraham who set out on a journey to an unknown destination, and God led him through to bring him to a good and prosperous land that would be his for generations. Sometimes I feel like I am wandering aimlessly, taking my best guess at where God is leading, and trying to follow His path, but the truth is I have a hard time seeing the final destination. I have a hard time seeing where He is leading and which path I should choose. Instead, I have to trust Him day by day to show me the next steps along the way, seeking His wisdom and His guidance as I make decisions that can take me further on that journey and lead me to that place of peace and settledness in Him.