16 Things Not to Do In Marriage

I came across this article the other day, and it gave me a different way to think about all these horror stories of marriage. What is one to do when there is so much that can go wrong in a relationship? How can we make the right choices and be the right person?

The article was written by a single father who has been divorced twice. When his sister was getting married, he thought about what advice he could give her, given that his two marriages had failed. He thought about all the things that he had done wrong and what he would do differently if he could. His words reflect the wisdom and insight that is often learned in the school of hard knocks.

Some items on his not-to-do list:

• Don't stop holding her hand.
• Don't stop trying to be attractive.
• Don't yell out at her - out of anger or out of convenience.
• Don't skip out on things that are important to her.
• Don't always point out her weaknesses.

Read the full article here: 16 Ways I Blew My Marriage

All these things seem to boil down to love, to choose love over anger, to choose gratitude over taking someone for granted, to choose respect over laziness, and to love in action just as much as through words, to love as God has loved us - abundantly, extravagantly, and faithfully.

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." - 1 John 4:16

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy...each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must also respect her husband." - Ephesians 5:25,33

"If you have any encouragement from being united in Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others." - Philippians 2:1-4

For all the hopelessness of past failures, pain, and heartbreak, there is hope in God alone. His love is faithful and true.

True Love

I so wanted to believe your words
I so wanted to trust your love
But I guarded my heart. I couldn’t let you in.

And yet you whispered how much you care.
You sent me flowers and called to me through the rain
The storm rages yet you were calm in the midst of the pain
As I flirt with others and ignore you.

Others say those three words, but they fall as empty shells, a counterfeit truth
If they only knew me, they wouldn’t love me - they couldn’t, they wouldn’t.
Could you? Would you?
You who know me best and see me at my worst.

I am drawn to your whisper, to your care, to your presence
I am scared to trust yet scared to walk away
You never walk away. You always seem there.

I so want to believe you, to trust you, to love you.
I so want to be loved by you. I so want you to be true.
So I come to you. I lay my soul bare & open my heart
I hear you say, “I love you” and the fear departs.

I have so little to give – the hurts, the past, the scars so deep.
You wipe away my tears, though, and in your arms I finally sleep.
Your love is steady and true. It doesn’t change. Ever.
Your love is powerful and new. It changes me. Forever.

Eight years since, I have never been the same.
I give you my heart, my life, my being
Because you first gave me yours - and a life worth living.
I love you, Lord. Thank you for loving me.

In honor of the eight-year anniversary of my baptism, 3/21/2004, the day I let the love of Christ change my life forever.