penned up inside
refused voice
refused ink
destined to be felt deeply
to serve purpose
to remind
to hurt
to ache endlessly
to love truly
to keep alive
the feeling -
and yet, still words.
~erin, 1996
Friday, January 22, 2010
The Whole of My Sin
In a hole to start with,
trying to escape -
keep digging, digging, digging
only deeper and deeper I go.
One-time feeling evolves into state of mind
Can't get out, trapped in it's grasp;
let go, let go, got to get out.
Can't be done, in too deep
no visible answer, no ladder around
As giving up Hope and Fate to give in,
Sudden release, Savior indeed;
freedom at last from the hole of my sin.
~erin, 1994
trying to escape -
keep digging, digging, digging
only deeper and deeper I go.
One-time feeling evolves into state of mind
Can't get out, trapped in it's grasp;
let go, let go, got to get out.
Can't be done, in too deep
no visible answer, no ladder around
As giving up Hope and Fate to give in,
Sudden release, Savior indeed;
freedom at last from the hole of my sin.
~erin, 1994
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Destination: GOD'S WILL
For the new year, I am not beginning a new journey, but rather continuing an old one. I am once again in search of God’s Will for my life…
Sometimes I picture arriving at my destination as arriving to a new town – perhaps, God’s Will, South Carolina, population 828. I occasionally pass a couple of signs that say God’s Will, stay right, or Expressway to God’s Purposes, 25 miles ahead. I have run into some construction zones– new character development in progress, detour 2 years, or passageway to Humility (a necessary rest stop) temporarily blocked by pride. Sometimes I have chosen to take the path of Forgiveness or Love and it brings me closer; other times I opt to bypass Patience (rumored to be a long but direct route) and end up further away. A path called Prayer seems to illuminate the often dark roads, helping me to see the next steps; even more clarity comes from travelling the way of the Word.
Sometimes, though, the destination seems illusive, just a little out of reach. Maybe I’m close, maybe I’m already there, maybe I still have a ways to travel. I can’t really tell. Each step in Faith, though, encourages me to continue the journey. And then as I keep asking, searching, and waiting, I realize what my Guide has been trying to tell me all along – God’s Will does not have a zip code. There is no X marking the spot on my treasure map. Rather, God’s Will is found in trusting my Guide, obeying His clear direction even when I can’t see the path ahead. Sometimes there is a clear right direction that He wants to lead me in. Other times He wants me to just stay with Him, to walk with Him, wherever the path leads - through good times or bad, through understanding or confusion, through joy or pain.
I realize that part of God’s Will is relationship and fellowship, being instead of doing, following instead of leading. That’s a rather new journey for me, one that is a little different from my past attempts to get to God’s Will by deciphering the map myself. In some ways, it is harder because I have to realize I don’t have the map. My Guide does. That journey is much newer to me, handing over control to Him, trusting Him every step of the way.
As I ponder the route to God’s Will, I found the following passages helpful. Perhaps they will help you as well:
• Knowing in part – I Corinthians 13:12
• Pre-requisite – Romans 12:1-2
• Clear direction – 1 Thessalonians 4:3
• Straight paths – Proverbs 3:5-6
• Praying for God’s Will – Colossians 1:9-10
• Praying for God’s Will – Matthew 6:10
• God’s Purpose – Philippians 2:13
• Understanding – Ephesians 5:17
• Desire to do God’s Will – Psalm 40:8
• Training required – Psalm 143:10
• My Guide – Psalm 25:4-5
• My Guide – Psalm 73:23-24
• Clear Direction – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Sometimes I picture arriving at my destination as arriving to a new town – perhaps, God’s Will, South Carolina, population 828. I occasionally pass a couple of signs that say God’s Will, stay right, or Expressway to God’s Purposes, 25 miles ahead. I have run into some construction zones– new character development in progress, detour 2 years, or passageway to Humility (a necessary rest stop) temporarily blocked by pride. Sometimes I have chosen to take the path of Forgiveness or Love and it brings me closer; other times I opt to bypass Patience (rumored to be a long but direct route) and end up further away. A path called Prayer seems to illuminate the often dark roads, helping me to see the next steps; even more clarity comes from travelling the way of the Word.
Sometimes, though, the destination seems illusive, just a little out of reach. Maybe I’m close, maybe I’m already there, maybe I still have a ways to travel. I can’t really tell. Each step in Faith, though, encourages me to continue the journey. And then as I keep asking, searching, and waiting, I realize what my Guide has been trying to tell me all along – God’s Will does not have a zip code. There is no X marking the spot on my treasure map. Rather, God’s Will is found in trusting my Guide, obeying His clear direction even when I can’t see the path ahead. Sometimes there is a clear right direction that He wants to lead me in. Other times He wants me to just stay with Him, to walk with Him, wherever the path leads - through good times or bad, through understanding or confusion, through joy or pain.
I realize that part of God’s Will is relationship and fellowship, being instead of doing, following instead of leading. That’s a rather new journey for me, one that is a little different from my past attempts to get to God’s Will by deciphering the map myself. In some ways, it is harder because I have to realize I don’t have the map. My Guide does. That journey is much newer to me, handing over control to Him, trusting Him every step of the way.
As I ponder the route to God’s Will, I found the following passages helpful. Perhaps they will help you as well:
• Knowing in part – I Corinthians 13:12
• Pre-requisite – Romans 12:1-2
• Clear direction – 1 Thessalonians 4:3
• Straight paths – Proverbs 3:5-6
• Praying for God’s Will – Colossians 1:9-10
• Praying for God’s Will – Matthew 6:10
• God’s Purpose – Philippians 2:13
• Understanding – Ephesians 5:17
• Desire to do God’s Will – Psalm 40:8
• Training required – Psalm 143:10
• My Guide – Psalm 25:4-5
• My Guide – Psalm 73:23-24
• Clear Direction – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Sunday, December 13, 2009
In Search of a Nickname...
I think of Jesus’ name, which means He Saves, and His other name, Emmanuel, which means God With Us. The names were chosen because of who He would be on Earth, centered in His identity and the role that God had ordained for Him.
My given name, Erin, means peace, peacemaker. I’ve always taken it as a personal charge, in a manner of speaking to live up to my name, to pursue peace and to do all in my power to live in peace with others. My parents chose it because it fit well with Eric, my brother’s name, and it was easy to spell. Sometimes, I think of it, though, as if God ordained it for me, that He chose it as a primary part of who He created me to be.
I have to tell you, I was never really into nicknames. I always thought they were silly and childish. My mom used to call me Sissy all the time… it drove me crazy! She’s probably the only person that could get away with calling me by that name; for anyone else, it was fighting words. The rest of my family always called me Erin Leigh, and for the most part, they still do. I know I’m home when I get both names. No other nicknames ever really stuck.
Sometimes I think it would be cool to have a good nickname. I hear friends tell the stories of how they came up with nicknames, about how friends affectionately played off a strength or a quirk, or a funny story. When they share the stories, the name seems rooted in a common past, in the deep roots of many years spent together, different seasons of life, and a deep knowledge and appreciation of the person. The name almost seems to denote a bond, a special connection that is not always obvious to others, like an inside secret that is only revealed to close friends and acquaintances. Sometimes there is a nickname without a story, a name that just caught on. But usually, there is something behind the name… something more.
Maybe that’s what I want, the something more, a name rooted in what other people see in me. Something funny, something meaningful, something quirky… something that says this is me, unapologetically me, given to me by people who unexplainably accept me, for me, quirks and all. Just as I sometimes picture my given name as specially chosen by God, sometimes I think it would be cool to have a name specially chosen by my friends, by the people who know me the best; I think it would be nice to know what they see in me, what defining quality or quirk sets me apart from all the other Erins (or Aarons) in the world.
So, here’s my question, friends… what should my name be? What nickname would you give me and what would it say about who I am?
My given name, Erin, means peace, peacemaker. I’ve always taken it as a personal charge, in a manner of speaking to live up to my name, to pursue peace and to do all in my power to live in peace with others. My parents chose it because it fit well with Eric, my brother’s name, and it was easy to spell. Sometimes, I think of it, though, as if God ordained it for me, that He chose it as a primary part of who He created me to be.
I have to tell you, I was never really into nicknames. I always thought they were silly and childish. My mom used to call me Sissy all the time… it drove me crazy! She’s probably the only person that could get away with calling me by that name; for anyone else, it was fighting words. The rest of my family always called me Erin Leigh, and for the most part, they still do. I know I’m home when I get both names. No other nicknames ever really stuck.
Sometimes I think it would be cool to have a good nickname. I hear friends tell the stories of how they came up with nicknames, about how friends affectionately played off a strength or a quirk, or a funny story. When they share the stories, the name seems rooted in a common past, in the deep roots of many years spent together, different seasons of life, and a deep knowledge and appreciation of the person. The name almost seems to denote a bond, a special connection that is not always obvious to others, like an inside secret that is only revealed to close friends and acquaintances. Sometimes there is a nickname without a story, a name that just caught on. But usually, there is something behind the name… something more.
Maybe that’s what I want, the something more, a name rooted in what other people see in me. Something funny, something meaningful, something quirky… something that says this is me, unapologetically me, given to me by people who unexplainably accept me, for me, quirks and all. Just as I sometimes picture my given name as specially chosen by God, sometimes I think it would be cool to have a name specially chosen by my friends, by the people who know me the best; I think it would be nice to know what they see in me, what defining quality or quirk sets me apart from all the other Erins (or Aarons) in the world.
So, here’s my question, friends… what should my name be? What nickname would you give me and what would it say about who I am?
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
A Spark Igniting...
It was an ordinary day with ordinary tasks. Students were busy working away, trying to survive the craziness of finals week. We were discussing the latest SGA meeting and talking about their upcoming events like Sister Weekend and Dad’s Night. Conversation shifted to next semester, and then it happened – like a spark that just caught flame.
She told us about the email that students received, about the impending state budget cuts that threatened tuition grants, that threatened the money used to pay her tuition and that of many other students. But what can she do? She asks. The question hung in the air… What can she do? What can one student upset about a state decision do?
Then another student joined in, “I can’t come back next semester without the grant money.” Then another student chimed, “I’ll owe over a thousand dollars.” As student after student joined in the conversation, something magical happened. The conversation turned again to what can one do? But then it shifted to “What can we do?” They started to realize the power of many, the power of their voice. A petition began almost immediately and talks of organizing a march on the state capital followed suit. The spark ignited and as students dispersed, they took their anger and turned it into power, the power to affect change.
We talk about leadership not as the position you hold, but rather the difference you make. This week, I have seen some students get excited about making a difference, working for change for themselves, for their classmates, for fellow college students across the state.
So many times, I hear people talk about apathy in young people. Sometimes we label it apathy because they don’t come to our events or do things that we think they should. We think it’s apathy because they aren’t motivated by the same things that motivated us, or connect to others in the same ways we connected.
But I don’t see apathy. I see students who care very deeply, who want to make their mark on the world, and to leave the world a bit better. I see students who have a spark inside of them waiting to catch flame, waiting to be inspired, waiting for that catalyst to unleash their potential, waiting for a reason to get off the sidelines and get into the action.
For some of these students, the waiting is over; the call to action is now. And it is so exciting to see that passion in them, to see them realize that they do have a voice and can use that voice for good. It’s the voice of generations of students before them and the voice of generations to follow. It’s the voice of hope and the cry for a better future.
I am proud to be a part of that, to be a supportive voice cheering them on. I support their cause, and hope they win. Even if they don’t, though, finding that voice in themselves and in each other is a far more important and long-lasting victory.
She told us about the email that students received, about the impending state budget cuts that threatened tuition grants, that threatened the money used to pay her tuition and that of many other students. But what can she do? She asks. The question hung in the air… What can she do? What can one student upset about a state decision do?
Then another student joined in, “I can’t come back next semester without the grant money.” Then another student chimed, “I’ll owe over a thousand dollars.” As student after student joined in the conversation, something magical happened. The conversation turned again to what can one do? But then it shifted to “What can we do?” They started to realize the power of many, the power of their voice. A petition began almost immediately and talks of organizing a march on the state capital followed suit. The spark ignited and as students dispersed, they took their anger and turned it into power, the power to affect change.
We talk about leadership not as the position you hold, but rather the difference you make. This week, I have seen some students get excited about making a difference, working for change for themselves, for their classmates, for fellow college students across the state.
So many times, I hear people talk about apathy in young people. Sometimes we label it apathy because they don’t come to our events or do things that we think they should. We think it’s apathy because they aren’t motivated by the same things that motivated us, or connect to others in the same ways we connected.
But I don’t see apathy. I see students who care very deeply, who want to make their mark on the world, and to leave the world a bit better. I see students who have a spark inside of them waiting to catch flame, waiting to be inspired, waiting for that catalyst to unleash their potential, waiting for a reason to get off the sidelines and get into the action.
For some of these students, the waiting is over; the call to action is now. And it is so exciting to see that passion in them, to see them realize that they do have a voice and can use that voice for good. It’s the voice of generations of students before them and the voice of generations to follow. It’s the voice of hope and the cry for a better future.
I am proud to be a part of that, to be a supportive voice cheering them on. I support their cause, and hope they win. Even if they don’t, though, finding that voice in themselves and in each other is a far more important and long-lasting victory.
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