It seems like forever ago that I started this blog, and quite awhile since I have revisited it. But as I continue to seek clarity from God in my life, I think back to the lessons I learned by writing and sharing, by intentionally pouring through scriptures and trying to capture the meaning it had for my life. It was amazing how God used those verses, used conversations with you, used that time in my life for His good, to bring healing and peace, and to connect with others. What I realized is that the same needs I felt for clarity and peace then, are the same needs I still have day by day, not just in relationships but in every aspect of my life - work, church, service, friends, and family.
Sometimes I feel lost, drifting along without any clear sense of God's direction, of what the right answer is. I find myself confused and not knowing which direction to go. But God is not the author of confusion. His Word says over and over again that He will guide our steps and direct our paths, that He has plans for our lives and plans for good, plans for abundant and eternal life in Him. Wow... I want that. I want to diligently seek it, as for silver or gold, I want to pursue it, to press on toward the prize, to be useful to Him and to walk in the center of His will.
I don't know where this journey leads. I know that I want to intentionally seek Him every step of the way. I know that I want to invite you to join me on the journey, to share your insights, to ask for your prayers, to pass along scriptures that speak to you, and to see what God has in store for us together.
This weekend I had an incredible conversation with two close friends. Through that conversation we realized that all three of us were facing a similar situation and similar struggles. We're close friends, but we never realized it. We never talked about it before, but suddenly we found ourselves talking about it. It was amazing the relief and the encouragement that came from the conversation, from knowing that we were not alone, and looking at scripture together and praying about it together. There is such tremendous power in that. I've experienced it over and over again, what God can do when we break down barriers and dare to share our lives with each other.
That's what I want this blog to be, a way to share my journey with others, and to invite you to share yours with me. Will you join me?
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Day 50 - Breaking Fast & Going Forward
Fifty days ago, I began a journey to intentionally seek God’s will in my life in the area of relationships. I was heartbroken and hurting, in need of God’s healing, His peace, His restoration in my life. I wanted to know His heart, His love, His desires and also how to live those out in integrity not just with dating relationships, but with family, friends, co-workers, everyone in my circle of life.
I started with a list of passages and themes, but I didn’t really know where He would lead. Maybe I thought I would end up justified, that I was right or had the right answers. That’s a laugh, for sure, as seeking God is always a humbling experience reminding me that He is God and I am not.
Instead I found God challenging me, challenging my thoughts about what it means to love, how to make intentional decisions, how to trust Him to write the script in my life. Even more so, I found Him asking me to be content where I am, focusing single-mindedly on Him, even while in the midst of pursuing His will and His plans for the future. I found Him reminding me that is He is the great healer, the One who can do abundantly more than we could think or imagine, the One whose ways are much higher than our ways, and the One that can redeem any kind of painful circumstance in our lives and bring radical good out of it for His glory and to accomplish His purposes.
I am thankful for the truths of His word, that the Bible isn’t just empty words on a page, but words that speak directly to my life, to my needs and my questions and my crises. I am thankful it always points me to God who is in complete control and who cares intimately about me and about each of us.
I’ve had several people ask me about what is next. And the truth is I don’t have that answer either. But as I seek to apply these truths in my life, I am trusting God to give me wisdom to make the right decisions about dating and to both guide and guard my heart as I try to live those truths out with integrity.
Psalm 147:11 says “The Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love.” Going forward, I want Him to be able to delight in my life, and I want to be able to put my hope in His love, a love that never fails. I certainly do not think I am there yet, but I know the journey of getting there is incredibly worth it.
Thank you for being a part of this chapter of my life and for encouraging me in this journey. It has been cool to have conversations with old friends and new through this process, reflecting, connecting, and even sometimes disagreeing over my thoughts. It is great to share life together with others.
May God bless…
erin
I started with a list of passages and themes, but I didn’t really know where He would lead. Maybe I thought I would end up justified, that I was right or had the right answers. That’s a laugh, for sure, as seeking God is always a humbling experience reminding me that He is God and I am not.
Instead I found God challenging me, challenging my thoughts about what it means to love, how to make intentional decisions, how to trust Him to write the script in my life. Even more so, I found Him asking me to be content where I am, focusing single-mindedly on Him, even while in the midst of pursuing His will and His plans for the future. I found Him reminding me that is He is the great healer, the One who can do abundantly more than we could think or imagine, the One whose ways are much higher than our ways, and the One that can redeem any kind of painful circumstance in our lives and bring radical good out of it for His glory and to accomplish His purposes.
I am thankful for the truths of His word, that the Bible isn’t just empty words on a page, but words that speak directly to my life, to my needs and my questions and my crises. I am thankful it always points me to God who is in complete control and who cares intimately about me and about each of us.
I’ve had several people ask me about what is next. And the truth is I don’t have that answer either. But as I seek to apply these truths in my life, I am trusting God to give me wisdom to make the right decisions about dating and to both guide and guard my heart as I try to live those truths out with integrity.
Psalm 147:11 says “The Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love.” Going forward, I want Him to be able to delight in my life, and I want to be able to put my hope in His love, a love that never fails. I certainly do not think I am there yet, but I know the journey of getting there is incredibly worth it.
Thank you for being a part of this chapter of my life and for encouraging me in this journey. It has been cool to have conversations with old friends and new through this process, reflecting, connecting, and even sometimes disagreeing over my thoughts. It is great to share life together with others.
May God bless…
erin
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Day 36 – Next Steps
I look back over these truths from these past weeks and I see more of who God wants me to be and how I can honor Him in my singleness and in my relationships. Through it, I have realized my failures, my unhealthy patterns, and a standard that I could never possibly live up to but a love that loves me regardless. I have realized that while it is hard to trust a guy with my heart, that I can always trust God with my heart and that He will be there and guide me whether it leads to the greatest love I have ever known or the greatest heartbreak I can imagine. God does work all things out for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. When we seek Him, He will take care of us, even when we get off track or let Him down.
Through this journey, God has taught me compassion, how to really feel for others. He has taught me what it means to really love, to make those intentional choices to respond in love, even in the midst of pain… and how impossible that is apart from Him. It is because of His love for me, that it becomes possible for me to love others, romantically but also and perhaps more importantly others around me, family, friends, co-workers. His love is a transforming love, a powerful love, an active love.
As I look at these truths and look at my life, I think about how I am going to put together the pieces. During these next two weeks, I want to shift to thinking about that, how to live out these truths. I know God still has a lot to show me along the way, but I want to start making decisions and start living these truths out in my everyday life. I want to cultivate that contentment, to live out integrity, to reach out in love to those around me.
So many times when I am seeking God’s will, I get caught up in what He wants me to do next. When that happens, I go back to one particular verse, one that says exactly what I need to be doing to find God’s peace and His will, Philippians 4:10. “Do what you have learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.” How can God show me the next steps before I learn to do what He has already shown me? He has revealed so many truths to me over the last few weeks, and as I go forward my task is to keep remembering those truths and to actively and continuously apply them to my life and my relationships.
Through this journey, God has taught me compassion, how to really feel for others. He has taught me what it means to really love, to make those intentional choices to respond in love, even in the midst of pain… and how impossible that is apart from Him. It is because of His love for me, that it becomes possible for me to love others, romantically but also and perhaps more importantly others around me, family, friends, co-workers. His love is a transforming love, a powerful love, an active love.
As I look at these truths and look at my life, I think about how I am going to put together the pieces. During these next two weeks, I want to shift to thinking about that, how to live out these truths. I know God still has a lot to show me along the way, but I want to start making decisions and start living these truths out in my everyday life. I want to cultivate that contentment, to live out integrity, to reach out in love to those around me.
So many times when I am seeking God’s will, I get caught up in what He wants me to do next. When that happens, I go back to one particular verse, one that says exactly what I need to be doing to find God’s peace and His will, Philippians 4:10. “Do what you have learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.” How can God show me the next steps before I learn to do what He has already shown me? He has revealed so many truths to me over the last few weeks, and as I go forward my task is to keep remembering those truths and to actively and continuously apply them to my life and my relationships.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Day 32 – Single-minded
During the past month, I have focused a lot on relationships. I want my dating life to glorify God; I want to get married one day; I want to choose to love another person in the way that God chooses to love me. I want the freedom of spending the rest of my life with someone who knows me, who cares about me, who wants the best for me. I want all of that and more.
But I am serious about wanting God to write the script in my life. I give those desires to Him. I was talking to one of my friends the other day, sharing with him about all the great lessons that God has been teaching me. And I value those, and I know that through those God is preparing me to be the woman He created me to be. But my friend’s response resonated with me. He said, all that sounds good, but I guess I’m content being single.
I used to be content being single. I used to not think about dating much, because I didn’t date much. Now, I’ve lost a lot of that contentment and shifted my focus so much to relationships, that I’m in danger of missing the One who created me for relationship. I’ve spent so much time trying to figure out who I need to be in a relationship, that I’ve forgotten that God wants to use me right now, where I am, a single person free from family obligations and soon to be free from school obligations. He wants to use me now... to love others, to serve Him, to grow in faith, to minister to others.
1 Corinthians 8 says that there is much value in being single… that when we’re single, we can devote ourselves to God without distraction. When we’re married (and I think it applies also to relationships) our attention is divided. We can so easily get distracted because then we have to take another person into account.
I’m thankful for what God has taught me about relationships. I want to learn to be that woman of integrity, to make wise decisions, to love, to forgive, to choose peace… I want those, and I want God to continue to teach me and to prepare me to be the woman He created me to be. But I also want to be single-minded towards Him. I want Him to be the focus of life, for Him to write the script, for Him to use me and to grow me, and for Him to glorified in my life, now as I am single, and in the future, whatever that holds. I want to focus on serving Him, on ministering to others, on worshipping Him, and fulfilling His will for my life.
I say that I am on a dating fast… that is changing. I am turning in my dating desires, to give them to Him entirely, not just until May 8th, but until His timing, and only if He writes the script and builds the house. My focus instead is on Christ and glorifying Him.
But I am serious about wanting God to write the script in my life. I give those desires to Him. I was talking to one of my friends the other day, sharing with him about all the great lessons that God has been teaching me. And I value those, and I know that through those God is preparing me to be the woman He created me to be. But my friend’s response resonated with me. He said, all that sounds good, but I guess I’m content being single.
I used to be content being single. I used to not think about dating much, because I didn’t date much. Now, I’ve lost a lot of that contentment and shifted my focus so much to relationships, that I’m in danger of missing the One who created me for relationship. I’ve spent so much time trying to figure out who I need to be in a relationship, that I’ve forgotten that God wants to use me right now, where I am, a single person free from family obligations and soon to be free from school obligations. He wants to use me now... to love others, to serve Him, to grow in faith, to minister to others.
1 Corinthians 8 says that there is much value in being single… that when we’re single, we can devote ourselves to God without distraction. When we’re married (and I think it applies also to relationships) our attention is divided. We can so easily get distracted because then we have to take another person into account.
I’m thankful for what God has taught me about relationships. I want to learn to be that woman of integrity, to make wise decisions, to love, to forgive, to choose peace… I want those, and I want God to continue to teach me and to prepare me to be the woman He created me to be. But I also want to be single-minded towards Him. I want Him to be the focus of life, for Him to write the script, for Him to use me and to grow me, and for Him to glorified in my life, now as I am single, and in the future, whatever that holds. I want to focus on serving Him, on ministering to others, on worshipping Him, and fulfilling His will for my life.
I say that I am on a dating fast… that is changing. I am turning in my dating desires, to give them to Him entirely, not just until May 8th, but until His timing, and only if He writes the script and builds the house. My focus instead is on Christ and glorifying Him.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Day 29 - Writing the Script
I’ve been fortunate to be in some good relationships, even with solid Christian guys with good hearts, guys that at the end of the day I could say even though the relationship didn’t work out, I was glad to have had them in my life. But I’m learning that finding a good guy isn’t enough; finding that rare combination of Godly character, compatibility, and chemistry is not enough; praying and seeking God’s will strangely is not enough. That something is missing, something that is challenging the whole way I think about dating.
The verse that is on my mind today is Psalm 127:1 - “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” That’s it…. Sometimes, often times, I go into a relationship thinking about what I need to do and who I need to be. I think about a checklist of priorities or traits that I’m looking for in someone and then I think about how I can make it work, even when things get tough. But what God is showing me is that I can’t build the relationship. Even me and the other person, the two of us together can’t build that relationship into what it needs to be, even if we clothe it in prayer and godly intentions. God has to not only be in the relationship, He has to build the relationship – His way, in His timing, and according to His will.
I have had times where I really thought God was in it, where both me and the guy were truly seeking God’s will. Now, though, I can look back at some of those relationships and see that God wasn’t writing the script; we were writing it, according to what we thought was His will and then prayerfully submitting it for His approval.
Honestly, I don’t know what it looks like to let God write the script in my relationships, anymore than I know what it looks like to let Him write the script for my life. So many times I come with my desires, my requests and submit them for His approval instead of seeking Him, knowing Him, gaining clarity into the direction He wants me to head. He cares about me. He wants me to have abundant life in Him, so why can I not trust Him to lead me to His best? (Psalm 23) Why do I try to pick up a pen, when He has already written a beautiful story for my life, better than anything I could think or imagine? (Jeremiah 29:11)
The verse that is on my mind today is Psalm 127:1 - “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” That’s it…. Sometimes, often times, I go into a relationship thinking about what I need to do and who I need to be. I think about a checklist of priorities or traits that I’m looking for in someone and then I think about how I can make it work, even when things get tough. But what God is showing me is that I can’t build the relationship. Even me and the other person, the two of us together can’t build that relationship into what it needs to be, even if we clothe it in prayer and godly intentions. God has to not only be in the relationship, He has to build the relationship – His way, in His timing, and according to His will.
I have had times where I really thought God was in it, where both me and the guy were truly seeking God’s will. Now, though, I can look back at some of those relationships and see that God wasn’t writing the script; we were writing it, according to what we thought was His will and then prayerfully submitting it for His approval.
Honestly, I don’t know what it looks like to let God write the script in my relationships, anymore than I know what it looks like to let Him write the script for my life. So many times I come with my desires, my requests and submit them for His approval instead of seeking Him, knowing Him, gaining clarity into the direction He wants me to head. He cares about me. He wants me to have abundant life in Him, so why can I not trust Him to lead me to His best? (Psalm 23) Why do I try to pick up a pen, when He has already written a beautiful story for my life, better than anything I could think or imagine? (Jeremiah 29:11)
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