I look back over these truths from these past weeks and I see more of who God wants me to be and how I can honor Him in my singleness and in my relationships. Through it, I have realized my failures, my unhealthy patterns, and a standard that I could never possibly live up to but a love that loves me regardless. I have realized that while it is hard to trust a guy with my heart, that I can always trust God with my heart and that He will be there and guide me whether it leads to the greatest love I have ever known or the greatest heartbreak I can imagine. God does work all things out for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. When we seek Him, He will take care of us, even when we get off track or let Him down.
Through this journey, God has taught me compassion, how to really feel for others. He has taught me what it means to really love, to make those intentional choices to respond in love, even in the midst of pain… and how impossible that is apart from Him. It is because of His love for me, that it becomes possible for me to love others, romantically but also and perhaps more importantly others around me, family, friends, co-workers. His love is a transforming love, a powerful love, an active love.
As I look at these truths and look at my life, I think about how I am going to put together the pieces. During these next two weeks, I want to shift to thinking about that, how to live out these truths. I know God still has a lot to show me along the way, but I want to start making decisions and start living these truths out in my everyday life. I want to cultivate that contentment, to live out integrity, to reach out in love to those around me.
So many times when I am seeking God’s will, I get caught up in what He wants me to do next. When that happens, I go back to one particular verse, one that says exactly what I need to be doing to find God’s peace and His will, Philippians 4:10. “Do what you have learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.” How can God show me the next steps before I learn to do what He has already shown me? He has revealed so many truths to me over the last few weeks, and as I go forward my task is to keep remembering those truths and to actively and continuously apply them to my life and my relationships.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Day 32 – Single-minded
During the past month, I have focused a lot on relationships. I want my dating life to glorify God; I want to get married one day; I want to choose to love another person in the way that God chooses to love me. I want the freedom of spending the rest of my life with someone who knows me, who cares about me, who wants the best for me. I want all of that and more.
But I am serious about wanting God to write the script in my life. I give those desires to Him. I was talking to one of my friends the other day, sharing with him about all the great lessons that God has been teaching me. And I value those, and I know that through those God is preparing me to be the woman He created me to be. But my friend’s response resonated with me. He said, all that sounds good, but I guess I’m content being single.
I used to be content being single. I used to not think about dating much, because I didn’t date much. Now, I’ve lost a lot of that contentment and shifted my focus so much to relationships, that I’m in danger of missing the One who created me for relationship. I’ve spent so much time trying to figure out who I need to be in a relationship, that I’ve forgotten that God wants to use me right now, where I am, a single person free from family obligations and soon to be free from school obligations. He wants to use me now... to love others, to serve Him, to grow in faith, to minister to others.
1 Corinthians 8 says that there is much value in being single… that when we’re single, we can devote ourselves to God without distraction. When we’re married (and I think it applies also to relationships) our attention is divided. We can so easily get distracted because then we have to take another person into account.
I’m thankful for what God has taught me about relationships. I want to learn to be that woman of integrity, to make wise decisions, to love, to forgive, to choose peace… I want those, and I want God to continue to teach me and to prepare me to be the woman He created me to be. But I also want to be single-minded towards Him. I want Him to be the focus of life, for Him to write the script, for Him to use me and to grow me, and for Him to glorified in my life, now as I am single, and in the future, whatever that holds. I want to focus on serving Him, on ministering to others, on worshipping Him, and fulfilling His will for my life.
I say that I am on a dating fast… that is changing. I am turning in my dating desires, to give them to Him entirely, not just until May 8th, but until His timing, and only if He writes the script and builds the house. My focus instead is on Christ and glorifying Him.
But I am serious about wanting God to write the script in my life. I give those desires to Him. I was talking to one of my friends the other day, sharing with him about all the great lessons that God has been teaching me. And I value those, and I know that through those God is preparing me to be the woman He created me to be. But my friend’s response resonated with me. He said, all that sounds good, but I guess I’m content being single.
I used to be content being single. I used to not think about dating much, because I didn’t date much. Now, I’ve lost a lot of that contentment and shifted my focus so much to relationships, that I’m in danger of missing the One who created me for relationship. I’ve spent so much time trying to figure out who I need to be in a relationship, that I’ve forgotten that God wants to use me right now, where I am, a single person free from family obligations and soon to be free from school obligations. He wants to use me now... to love others, to serve Him, to grow in faith, to minister to others.
1 Corinthians 8 says that there is much value in being single… that when we’re single, we can devote ourselves to God without distraction. When we’re married (and I think it applies also to relationships) our attention is divided. We can so easily get distracted because then we have to take another person into account.
I’m thankful for what God has taught me about relationships. I want to learn to be that woman of integrity, to make wise decisions, to love, to forgive, to choose peace… I want those, and I want God to continue to teach me and to prepare me to be the woman He created me to be. But I also want to be single-minded towards Him. I want Him to be the focus of life, for Him to write the script, for Him to use me and to grow me, and for Him to glorified in my life, now as I am single, and in the future, whatever that holds. I want to focus on serving Him, on ministering to others, on worshipping Him, and fulfilling His will for my life.
I say that I am on a dating fast… that is changing. I am turning in my dating desires, to give them to Him entirely, not just until May 8th, but until His timing, and only if He writes the script and builds the house. My focus instead is on Christ and glorifying Him.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Day 29 - Writing the Script
I’ve been fortunate to be in some good relationships, even with solid Christian guys with good hearts, guys that at the end of the day I could say even though the relationship didn’t work out, I was glad to have had them in my life. But I’m learning that finding a good guy isn’t enough; finding that rare combination of Godly character, compatibility, and chemistry is not enough; praying and seeking God’s will strangely is not enough. That something is missing, something that is challenging the whole way I think about dating.
The verse that is on my mind today is Psalm 127:1 - “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” That’s it…. Sometimes, often times, I go into a relationship thinking about what I need to do and who I need to be. I think about a checklist of priorities or traits that I’m looking for in someone and then I think about how I can make it work, even when things get tough. But what God is showing me is that I can’t build the relationship. Even me and the other person, the two of us together can’t build that relationship into what it needs to be, even if we clothe it in prayer and godly intentions. God has to not only be in the relationship, He has to build the relationship – His way, in His timing, and according to His will.
I have had times where I really thought God was in it, where both me and the guy were truly seeking God’s will. Now, though, I can look back at some of those relationships and see that God wasn’t writing the script; we were writing it, according to what we thought was His will and then prayerfully submitting it for His approval.
Honestly, I don’t know what it looks like to let God write the script in my relationships, anymore than I know what it looks like to let Him write the script for my life. So many times I come with my desires, my requests and submit them for His approval instead of seeking Him, knowing Him, gaining clarity into the direction He wants me to head. He cares about me. He wants me to have abundant life in Him, so why can I not trust Him to lead me to His best? (Psalm 23) Why do I try to pick up a pen, when He has already written a beautiful story for my life, better than anything I could think or imagine? (Jeremiah 29:11)
The verse that is on my mind today is Psalm 127:1 - “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” That’s it…. Sometimes, often times, I go into a relationship thinking about what I need to do and who I need to be. I think about a checklist of priorities or traits that I’m looking for in someone and then I think about how I can make it work, even when things get tough. But what God is showing me is that I can’t build the relationship. Even me and the other person, the two of us together can’t build that relationship into what it needs to be, even if we clothe it in prayer and godly intentions. God has to not only be in the relationship, He has to build the relationship – His way, in His timing, and according to His will.
I have had times where I really thought God was in it, where both me and the guy were truly seeking God’s will. Now, though, I can look back at some of those relationships and see that God wasn’t writing the script; we were writing it, according to what we thought was His will and then prayerfully submitting it for His approval.
Honestly, I don’t know what it looks like to let God write the script in my relationships, anymore than I know what it looks like to let Him write the script for my life. So many times I come with my desires, my requests and submit them for His approval instead of seeking Him, knowing Him, gaining clarity into the direction He wants me to head. He cares about me. He wants me to have abundant life in Him, so why can I not trust Him to lead me to His best? (Psalm 23) Why do I try to pick up a pen, when He has already written a beautiful story for my life, better than anything I could think or imagine? (Jeremiah 29:11)
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Day 27 – Making Tough Decisions
I have talked a lot about integrity – responding in love, seeing the full picture, acting with intentionality, making the right decisions. Sometimes, though, honestly I get stuck. I want to do the right thing, but I don’t really know what the right thing is. What then? I posed this question on my Facebook page and asked some of my trusted Christian friends as well. Then, I spent some time looking at some verses.
Here are some principles from 1 Peter 3: 8-17, that I found particularly helpful to my decision-making dilemna:- Live in harmony with others. (v8)
- When that fails, repay others with a blessing. (v9)
- Speak well of others (v10)
- Do good (v11)
- Seek peace and pursue it (v11)
- Focus on God, not on myself and not on my situation (v12)
- Pray, knowing He is listening (v12)
- Develop and keep a clear conscience about what to do based on previous steps (v16)
- Act without fear (v14)
- Act with gentleness and respect (v15)
- Leave the results to God (v13)
As I moved down this list with my decision, I was led to really question my actions, my motives, and my focus. As I shifted my focus away from me to Him, as I really prayed about it and sought His wisdom and His clarity, my heart changed. What I needed to do changed; the decision itself changed. And I gained a whole new sense of what was right in the situation and a whole new sense of what I needed to do. Now that’s pretty cool, if I say so myself.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Day 24 – The Missing Piece
Love… do I really know how to love someone? I know how to be in a relationship with someone. I know how to care about someone. I know how to let someone into my life. But I’m not really sure I know how to love someone. And it doesn’t matter what else I bring to the table, or whatever other good is there, without love, it is useless. (1 Corinthians 13: 1-3).
I’m talking about real love, sacrificial love – a love that is patient, that is kind, a love that does not envy, and is not prideful; a love that is considerate, putting the other first, and love that is not selfish, is not about seeking self gain; a love that doesn’t respond in anger, even when blind-sided or hurt; a love that forgives instead of keeping a tally of faults or failures; a love that is honest and true, even when the truth hurts, and a love that is actively protecting, and hoping, and working for the best (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7).
The truth is even when I start out genuinely caring about the other person, when things get tough, it is too easy to become impatient and selfish, too tempting to keep track of the wrongs, the embarrassment, the pain; too risky to not be selfish; too dangerous to continue to hope.
The only hope for learning to love like the picture in 1 Corinthians is to be perfected by God’s love for me, to let His love radiate through me and change my heart and my mind, to change my natural responses from one of selfishness to selflessness, to develop a new capacity to love based on His love, His patience, His grace that He has shown me. He is the one that is slow to anger and quick to forgive. He doesn’t keep track of our sins and He is always there even when we hurt him or grieve Him. He sets the example for me to follow, for us to follow, to show us how to love each other in a radically different way, with a life-changing kind of love.
Perhaps love is not just the missing piece in my life, but also the missing piece in our society, the piece that keeps us from moving beyond selfishness to building intentional connections and community, to really sharing life with each other and really caring about the other people around us. Ah, that sounds like another topic for another day. What do you think?
I’m talking about real love, sacrificial love – a love that is patient, that is kind, a love that does not envy, and is not prideful; a love that is considerate, putting the other first, and love that is not selfish, is not about seeking self gain; a love that doesn’t respond in anger, even when blind-sided or hurt; a love that forgives instead of keeping a tally of faults or failures; a love that is honest and true, even when the truth hurts, and a love that is actively protecting, and hoping, and working for the best (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7).
The truth is even when I start out genuinely caring about the other person, when things get tough, it is too easy to become impatient and selfish, too tempting to keep track of the wrongs, the embarrassment, the pain; too risky to not be selfish; too dangerous to continue to hope.
The only hope for learning to love like the picture in 1 Corinthians is to be perfected by God’s love for me, to let His love radiate through me and change my heart and my mind, to change my natural responses from one of selfishness to selflessness, to develop a new capacity to love based on His love, His patience, His grace that He has shown me. He is the one that is slow to anger and quick to forgive. He doesn’t keep track of our sins and He is always there even when we hurt him or grieve Him. He sets the example for me to follow, for us to follow, to show us how to love each other in a radically different way, with a life-changing kind of love.
Perhaps love is not just the missing piece in my life, but also the missing piece in our society, the piece that keeps us from moving beyond selfishness to building intentional connections and community, to really sharing life with each other and really caring about the other people around us. Ah, that sounds like another topic for another day. What do you think?
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