From Dating Fast to Marriage Feast

Several years ago, I embarked on a dating fast, an intentional time away from dating to seek God’s will for my life in dating relationships, specifically seeking His healing and His direction. What does it mean to be a woman of integrity in dating? What I realized is that dating for me had become a distraction from God, from the ministry and the life I felt God was calling me to live. It was a 50 day journey and without a doubt one of the most meaningful times in my life spiritually, as I dove into scripture and sought God with a new level of earnestness.

Several weeks ago, I revisited the Dating Fast, looking back on that time in my life and remembering some of what God had taught me through that experience. After pondering the lessons learned and then thinking about where I currently am, I realized that in many ways I had internalized those truths for my life. I have for the most part been much more intentional about my dating choices and had made much wiser decisions when it came to being a woman of integrity.

I also realized, though, that I had internalized the message that dating is a distraction from God’s purpose for my life. In my resolve to keep my eyes on God, I took that to mean that there is something less spiritual about dating and that dating need not be a priority in my life. And in some respects, I took that a step further to marriage. While I want to get married in theory, sometimes I assume a super-spiritual posture of being single-minded instead of the super-vulnerable posture of being single. Sometimes I have viewed marriage more as a distraction from ministry, from God’s purpose & calling into my life, instead of a wonderful blessing from God and a primary calling in and of itself. I am a self-confessed commitment-phobe, and I confess that sometimes instead of viewing marriage as a wonderful blessing, I think more of the dangers, the horror stories, a view of marriage distorted by pain, brokenness, and all too often divorce.

However, over the last year, God has challenged that view in my life. I have been so fortunate to witness so many incredible love stories written by a God who calls us into relationship with Him and with each other. I have seen firsthand the love that weathers the storm, the love that redeems the past, the love that matures in marriage to a blessing & an intimacy that is one of God’s richest blessings. And while still imperfect and flawed, I have also seen the strength of a three-strand cord (Ecclesiastes 4:11-12) and the power, value, and blessing of a marriage centered in Christ. I also have been reminded that marriage is the metaphor that Christ uses for His relationship with the church and the depiction of the marriage feast that awaits us in Christ. The marriage feast - a celebration of unity and community, a fulfillment of anticipation & desire, the beginning of a new life together eternally with Him. I confess that has not been the way I have pictured marriage. I want to ponder that, to let that truth meditate in my heart, to let God reveal Himself to me as the God of the marriage feast, the God that yearns for us to be reconciled with Him, the God who yearns to pour out His blessings, that prepares the table of grace for us, and that makes it possible for us to be united with Him. I want to ponder what that means for marriage here and now, what it means for my life and my ministry, my heart & my desires.

So, I want to set out on this journey, to once again seek God’s will in my life, for my dating relationships and for marriage - eleven weeks, today, my birthday, until the end of the year. I will likely revisit some of the themes of the past, some of the lessons learned. But I also want to dive into new scriptures. I want to look intentionally at God’s will and His plan for marriage. I want to challenge myself to not view dating as necessarily a distraction. It certainly can be a distraction. But I want to look at how it can be not a distraction but rather how it can be a tool that God uses to show us the way, to lead us into deeper relationship with Him and a deeper understanding of His love for us.

Here are some starting scriptures I plan to peruse:

The marriage feast

• Christ & the church - Revelation 19-22
• Joy & desire - Isaiah 62:5 & 54:5

Purpose of marriage

• Leave father & mother - Genesis 2:24
• Becoming One - Mark 10:1-11
• Two are better than one - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Blessing the search

• Isaac & Rebekah - Genesis 24
• Provider & redeemer - Ruth

Characteristics of a godly wife

• Noble Character - Proverbs 31
• Gentle Spirit - 1 Peter 3
• Respect & submission - Ephesians 5, Genesis 3:16

Characteristics of a bad wife

• Complaining - Proverbs 21:9
• Looking back - Genesis 19:16-29
• Leading away from God - Job 2:9-10

Characteristics of a godly husband

• Faithfulness - Hosea
• Passionate Love - Song of Songs
• Tender Love - Ephesians 5
• Spiritual Leadership - 1 Timothy 3:12

Waiting for the bridegroom

• Preparation - Matthew 25:1-13

I welcome your prayers on this journey, and your participation, if you are so inclined. I hope to share the journey with you, so feel free to follow along on my blog or to have conversations with me over coffee, Skype, or phone. I would love your feedback, insight, and encouragement.

Thank you for sharing life with me!

In Christ,
~Erin

The Puzzles & the Friend

I had this dream last night. I was on the floor and spread out before me were puzzles – 100 piece puzzles, many of them, the pieces all mixed together. If you have ever worked these kinds of puzzles, you know they are relatively easy to work; they just take time. Even with the pieces mixed together, it’s relatively easy to figure out which piece belongs to which puzzle and how the pieces fit together. A friend was there in the floor with me, helping me to put together the pieces. We were rushing to get them done. The task before us was urgent. The work had to get done, but we had it under control. We were making significant progress.

Then, I turned around and noticed unbeknownst to me, on this other side of the floor were more puzzles, this time 1000 piece puzzles. If you have ever worked these puzzles, you know they present a much greater challenge. It is no longer obvious what the bigger picture is or how the pieces fit together. Now, it is work to seek out the right pieces and to make progress. We didn’t get extra time. In fact, we didn’t know how much time we had. We just knew they had to get done. The task was the same –but the progress was much slower, the challenge was much greater. The challenge seemed impossible to me. I was overwhelmed. I’m going to need more time. The rules changed. No answer came. But my friend urged me on, urged us on, as we set to work all the puzzles, as we set out to confront the new challenge. It was slow, but piece by piece we started making progress. It was slow and frustrating, but as we continued to work, the bigger picture started to emerge. I realized my friend was right. We could do this, we were doing this. And so we kept pressing on, working faithfully at the tasks before us.

Have you ever had one of those game-changing moments? Have you ever felt you had it under control, doing the work, going about your business, with purpose and intentionality, and yes, even with confidence – knowing that you were fully ready for the task at hand, that you knew what had to be done and was working to accomplish it? Then, as you are working on it, as you are getting it done, suddenly the rules change, without your knowledge or consent. The challenge that seemed so manageable becomes harder, your confidence is shot, and it seems overwhelming. Have you ever felt that?

I have. That has been my reality for the last few months, as I have transitioned to a new position, full with new challenges and with different pieces that I don’t know how they fit together. It has been overwhelming at times. It has also been exciting at times, to catch glimpses of the bigger picture. The truth is I am good at working 100 piece puzzles. There are certain tasks that I have mastered and have under control. I know how to get things done. But now, I also have 1000 piece puzzles – ones that I haven’t mastered and struggle to make work, ones that I don’t know what they are supposed to look like or what the end result is going to be.

BUT my friend does. My friend has seen the box lids. My friend was there when the design was created. My friend is there guiding me, showing me how some pieces connect, correcting my missteps along the way – you know, the times you so much want a piece to fit only to try to force it or convince yourself it is the right fit. My friend knows when it is the wrong piece. He knows the right pieces. He holds them in His hands, waiting for me to take them from Him. He urges me on, encourages me to keep working, to be faithful with the task at hand.

The prayer of Jabez (1 Chronicles 4:10) is popular in Christian circles. It becomes in some sense a call for greater responsibility and greater blessings in our lives. In this prayer, “Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, ‘Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.’ And God granted his request” (NIV, 1984). Sometimes, though, when God enlarges our territory, it can feel like being moved from a working a 100 piece puzzle to a 1000 piece puzzle. Even the answer to our prayer, more responsibility, better opportunities, can seem overwhelming. But God’s hand is with us. In my dream, my friend was with me. I wasn’t left alone. I am not left alone. You are not left alone. God is with us. When He calls, He equips. He “equip[s] us with everything good for doing His will and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him through Jesus Christ...” (Hebrews 13:21)

Here are some promises that have encouraged me in the challenges that lie ahead:

• In times of preparation – “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” (Ephesians 6:13-14)
• In times of weakness & failure – “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
• In times of discouragement – “And the God of all grace who has called you into eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.” (1 Peter 5:10)
• In times of correction – “All Scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17)
• In times of doubt – “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
• In times of lonliness – “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20).

I’m working the puzzle. I don’t know how all the pieces fit together. But my friend is with me. I plan to be faithful, even when it seems daunting. I plan to trust Him and take the pieces from His hand. He knows what is best. And I’m excited to see the pictures start to emerge, to see the masterpieces He has created.

Tuning In

While I have been reading Katie’s story, Kisses from Katie, I have also been reading The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. Although vastly different, the books are strangely complementary to each other. The latter one, more a theological look at what it means to pursue God, and the other, a tangible testimony of a young woman doing just that in Uganda.

One of Tozer’s points is that God wants to reveal Himself to us. He wants us to seek after Him and to walk with Him in intimate relationship. Although we may not always be manifestly aware of His presence, He is always there with us. As Christians, we must develop and cultivate our spiritual receptors and awareness. In other words, we must tune in to God. He writes, “Let any man [or woman] turn to God in earnest, let him begin to exercise himself unto godliness, let him seek to develop his powers of spiritual receptivity by trust and obedience and humility, and the results will exceed anything he may have hoped in his leaner and weaker days” (41).

I think about Katie, and I see a young woman doing that, stepping out in trust and obedience, humbling serving the children in Uganda. I see her sincere desire to help and to leave the world she knew behind to choose God. I question her methods at times, just because I know my own pride and my own shortcomings and how easy it is for me to get off track. But what I find refreshing and reassuring is that we don’t have to be perfect. We don’t have to have all the right answers or do all the right things. We need to seek God and trust Him, stepping out, even imperfectly, with obedience and trusting that He will honor that. And even more, He will use it to teach us and to grow us. He’ll reveal Himself in fresh ways as we tune in to His voice, as we cultivate those gifts of receptivity, as we become more and more aware of His presence on a daily basis.

Katie suggests in the book that it is easier for her to do that in Uganda, in a place free from much of the materialism and distractions of the States. It’s easier for her to trust in God when He is the clear source of daily provision and protection, the One who so clearly holds life & death in His hands. Is God the same in Uganda as here? Absolutely. But there, free from some of the distractions and “white noise”, she can perhaps see Him and hear Him with more clarity.

I had a similar experience when I went to Nicaragua. Something about being in a different culture and stepping outside my own comfort zone, I was more aware of His presence. I was more “tuned in” to what He had to show me. I’ve also sensed Him here, as I visit El Camino, a bilingual church plant serving the Hispanic community, or even at my own church in Sunday school or during quality prayer time. God is always nearby. He is here. He craves that intimacy and fellowship. As we seek Him, we tune into His presence, we “come to know Him more intimately and with deeper understanding, that the barriers of thought and feeling between the two are disappearing, and that father and [child] are becoming more closely united in mind and heart” (38). To me, that’s a beautiful picture of walking with God and seeking Him.

Over the last couple of months, I’ve been caught up some “white noise,” feeling disconnected and even frustrated at times. I’ve been futilely going through the motions and yet craving that fresh revelation. Over the last couple of weeks, though, I have found myself earnestly seeking Him, stepping out in some small ways, but trusting Him anew. And each step I take, I become more and more aware of His presence. I find myself more and more drawn to Him in prayer and Bible study, more in tune with His heart and His will for my life. It’s a process. I love that Tozer points that out. This isn’t a once and done event, rather it is the journey of walking with God over time, of developing that trust and cultivating that intimacy, of learning from our mistakes and our missteps, of returning and renewing that faith, of stepping out once again in obedience.

I would love to hear your thoughts. How have you experienced God’s manifest presence? What is some of the “white noise” that keeps you from tuning in to Him? And what are some of your success stories, blocking out the noise to tune in and experience God in fresh and exciting ways?

Tozer, A.W. (reprinted 2009). The Pursuit of God. W_L_C. pp 36-41.

Choosing God, Recklessly

I was a little harsh on Katie, from Kisses on Katie, in my post the other day, perhaps a little unmerited. I don’t mean to disparage her efforts or what God is doing in her life and the lives of the children. How much better our world would be if each of us would take the call to get involved and love our neighbors in such real and practical ways!

I do like her, and as I mentioned, she reminds me somewhat of myself. I still have a lot of maturing to do when it comes to walking alongside others and not trying to do it all myself. And I certainly didn’t have those answers at 19.

What I am learning from her story is the beauty of a reckless abandon to God’s call, a willingness to not just step outside her comfort zone, but to give up one way of life to wholeheartedly pursue another. I appreciate that. I have moved several times. Even when I have found myself in unfamiliar places or new cities, it has still been relatively easy to integrate my life into my new surroundings. I don’t have to rethink who I am or what I am doing. I have ways to connect, to interact, to live my life, albeit with some adjustments, but still live my life the way I have always known it.

How different it must be to pick up and leave everything to live a completely different life, to go from the relative abundance of middle class life in America to a poverty-stricken area in Uganda, to be in a place where running water is a luxury and starvation is too much of a reality. How do you adjust to a life like that?

In the book, which I recommend if you haven’t read it, Katie talks about the poverty there and the healthcare needs. She also talks about returning to the States and what that adjustment was like, the juxtaposition of her two worlds and the internal struggle that resulted from that reality, how hard it was for her to reconcile the materialism of America and the need in Uganda. What she realized is that she had to choose where she belonged. She couldn’t keep a foot in each place; she couldn’t make both places her home.

I think God often places us in places where we have to choose. Katie references Matthew 6:24 – “No one can serve two masters. He will hate the one and love the other or love the one and hate the other.” I think, too, of when God tested Abraham – forced him to choose God or his son (Genesis 22). Abraham chose to obey God. Katie chose to obey God and return permanently to Uganda. Do I choose God? Would I choose God if He called me to give up everything I had or to go across the world? Would I choose God over a spouse, a job, family? Would I choose God if, like Job, I lost everything (Job 1-2)?

What do you think? Do you think God calls us to give up “good things” for Him? Is this reckless abandon to God or just reckless? How do you make sense of God calling some to give it all up and others seemingly called to live a content and comfortable life?

Lone Ranger Syndrome

As part of a discussion group at my church, I started reading the book Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis. It is Katie’s story of moving to Uganda after high school and ministering to the children there and adopting 14 of them herself. It is an incredible story of courage and ministry, meeting very real physical needs and loving these children with an extraordinary love. It is an amazing story of what God is doing in and through her.

As I was reading it, though, it really struck me that there is no talk (so far) of her working with a local church or another agency. She is there pretty much on her own. Parts of it sound like another “lone ranger” story or the “white savior” complex, as it is often referred to in foreign aid circles, a passionate and caring individual coming in and trying to save the world herself versus building long-term sustainable partnerships and collaborative efforts that can address multifaceted needs and complex issues.

I like Katie, though, probably because I see a lot of me in her. I realize how many times I let my passion and concern, my desire to jump in and do things, my sense of calling drive me to minister, to love, to hopefully make a difference in the world around me. And I don’t want to lose that. So many times, though, I do that without concern for those around me. I find myself wanting to do my own thing, wanting to make a name for myself, wanting to earn the respect of others, wanting to do good and noble things, but wanting to do them myself. Even when I talk about my calling, I can sometimes sounds as if I have an exclusive call from God or that I am the only one on God’s side. Cocky, isn’t it?

But I am learning how important it is to bring others along with me, to partner with others who are called to similar work, to realize I can’t do it all myself, I don’t need to, and that I can’t bear that burden alone. I am not the only one on God’s side, and if I’m not careful I can even end up on the wrong side, fighting Him instead of serving Him. I find myself cut off from those around me thinking I know what is best, what needs to be done, what is right and choose not to listen to dissenting voices. The work suffers, the impact is diminished, and the pride takes it tolls when I am a lone ranger working isolated and alone.

The work benefits, though, and the impact increases dramatically when I am a part of something greater than myself, when I am a part of a team, part of the a body united with a common purpose and effort. I can lay my pride down knowing it is no longer about me but about Him. And I am one among many who is useful to Him. I hear Him saying to me, “I didn’t create you to be a lone ranger” (Thank you, God, I don’t look good in masks.) “You need others on your team and they need you. Work with them to do the work that I have called all of you to do.”

I read the story of Elijah, an Old Testament prophet who struggled with this same thing (See 1 Kings 19). I’m so encouraged that God responds to Elijah’s pride and pity party with a fresh revelation of who He is, a new awareness of fellow servants, and a new partner in ministry. God doesn’t leave us alone. Even the Lone Rangerhad Tonto, and God is faithful to provide the partners we need in ministry and in life.